celtics afterthoughts: dear ben gordon

Posted on | April 27, 2009 | Comments

Playoffs Game 4

Celtics @ Bulls 118-121 2OT

Dear Ben Gordon,

I realize hitting a game tying 3-pointer is kind of a big deal. I mean clearly that one that you hit was the first one anyone has hit in the playoffs so far… Oh, it wasn’t? Well, certainly then it must be the first one that has been hit in this Celtics-Bulls series, right? No? Oh, well certainly it must at least be the first big important 3-pointer that was hit in that particular game though, right? Oh, it…? Uh…. Wasn’t? Oh. Well, don’t let that make you feel stupid, Ben. Who can blame you, after all? Kobe has the “pull jersey aside & expose nipple” trick, Paul Pierce has perfected the “jersey pop”, KG has the primal “motherf–ker” scream, you needed something to call your own right? Sure, yours is biting a little bit on Sam Cassell’s patented “big balls” dance, but he’s retired, right? Looks like you’re good to go. Maybe next time though, be a little gentler with the goods. It’s not worth straining a hammy over.

Love,

ps. You think you have balls? Your balls are teeny tiny compared to this guy! Jacoby mother freaking Ellsbury! He stole HOME BASE from third! Who does that?

That game was brutal. Just excruciating to watch. Yes yes, I know it was an “instant classic” and certainly better entertainment than watching the Cavs take a big wiz on the Pistons (who were clearly ready to go sip mai tais on some tropical island), but I hated it. The only time I enjoy games like that is when other teams are playing in them. All I want to see for my Celtics is 20-point blowouts, every single night. Unrealistic? Perhaps, but I don’t care. League-wide domination will always be my one and only goal for this team. Poor entertainment quality be damned. I want Gino, Gino and more Gino! Anyway, so I guess we’re all locked at 2-2. My team looks tired. I hope they get some rest and then bring the defense from here on out. Let’s think game 3 and make the rest of the games one-sided, ok boys? Ok, then.