oh manny…

Posted on | May 7, 2009 | Comments

I’m on vacation this week so I’ve been watching wayyyy more ESPN than usual. Yesterday, the worldwide leader spent the day vomiting up Brett Favre to the Vikings news and it was nauseating. I was pretty sure I was in for the same diet of regurgitation today. Oh how wrong I was… I was making lunch, when out of the corner of my ear I heard the word “Manny,” and of course sprinted from the kitchen to the living room to see what the news was (I’ve already admitted that TJ Simers is right and I’m a bitter no-lifer who spends my time thinking about new and unique ways to hate on Manny). I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the ‘50 game suspension for performing enhancement drugs’ headline scroll. My mom is retired so we were hanging out together and I screamed to her to get her ass out to the living room so she could see for herself. It was quite a scene.

As the day wore on and it was covered by every talking head available for comment at ESPN, it became very clear that Manny was taking the “I didn’t know the harmless medication my doctor prescribed for me was banned. My bad. Sorrrry…” stance. To their credit, most of the analysts weren’t having it. Surprisingly though, Peter Gammons seemed to buy that crock of shit. Come on Pete, you didn’t just fall off the turnip truck son. By the end of the day, the banned substance was finally revealed. Drumroll please. Women’s fertility medication! SAY WHAT? Manny was trying to get pregnant? Wow, he really is eccentric. No no, apparently these meds are used at the end of a steroid cycle for some reason or another. Phew. That’s better, I guess.

I’m not going to bust on what Manny did. The reason being that someday, god I hope not, but someday — it may be revealed that a player that I love was using. I don’t want to be a hypocrite down the road when I defend them or at the very least, don’t come down on them. So, I’m going to shut my trap now and not condemn Manny for using. I’m just going to say that I feel bad for all those Manny loving Dodger fans who invested in the Dodger caps with sewn in dreads. I feel bad for JetBlue Airways and their $99 Manny Fans promotion. I even feel bad for T.J. Simers. He looks like a real asshole now.