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Archive for January, 2010

public enemy #2

January 20th, 2010 michelle View Comments

After much thought and discussion with a higher power, I have chosen my candidate to be the 2nd inductee into the nbamusings.com enemy of the blog hall of shame. That person is… *drumroll*

Dirk “pointy German elbows” Nowitzki

His sins? Swinging those pointy-ass German elbows at my boys!

  1. Gave Scal a concussion last year
  2. Elbowed my favorite player (K-Perk) in the face, causing him to have to show up to the next game with a damn band-aid on his face. Band-aids are so last year! (R.I.P. D-Wade band-aid trend)

He seems like a nice enough guy. Hell, he even likes American treasure, David Hasslehoff. But, I warned him multiple times (exhibit a, exhibit b, exhibit c) to no avail.

The pièce de résistance on his elbowing resume? Carl Landry’s TEETH EMBEDDED IN HIS ARM! Ewww…

Anyway Dirk, you have left me no choice…

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You elbowed my boys. Prepare to die.

*giant pointy elbow swings down from the heavens and decapitates Dirk*

Categories: NBA, public enemy of the blog Tags:

this video makes my life worth living

January 19th, 2010 michelle View Comments

Worth viewing for the hair gel reenactment alone. It will change your life. Pinky swear.

ps. There may be a Josh McRoberts cameo… and it may be fan-fucking-tastic.

Categories: j.j. redick > erin andrews Tags:

kaboom, the apocolypse

January 11th, 2010 michelle View Comments

I had a horrible nightmare over the weekend, where the following events occurred:

  1. Two ravens named Ray flew in my window, found my Cheerios and promptly peed all over them.
  2. Pete Carroll lost his mind and quit USC to fly to Washington and cavort with some seahawks.
  3. Duke got stung by a giant bumblebee. [Or yellow jacket. What-ev.]
  4. Some young, athletic hawks of the Atlanta variety hovered over a field of beautiful shamrocks and took a big crap.
  5. A big buffoon named Shrek, I mean Rex, once dead on arrival, was resuscitated and advanced further into the playoffs than my beloved once dominant hoodie sweatshirt.

Oh and right before I woke up screaming, I could have sworn I also dreamt that Charles Barkley was starring in some really cringily racist episodes of MacGyver.

So in conclusion, birds and bees ruined my weekend.

Blah!

Categories: NFL, kiss my shamrock, yay duke Tags:

wtf

January 5th, 2010 michelle View Comments

I think it’s safe to say that Gilbert Arenas is an odd duck.

A really odd duck.

Categories: dat is wack, youtube vids Tags:

public enemy #1

January 4th, 2010 michelle View Comments

I’m going to start keeping track of all the athletes who become an enemy of this blog. The inaugural nbamusings.com enemy of the blog is…

*drumroll*

Bernard “Patriots Kryptonite” Pollard

Hey Bernie. Can I call you Bernie? Fuck you, I’m calling you Bernie. I know you have a cute little fan club and everything and in some douchebag circles you’re some kind of folk hero for taking out Tom Brady. That’s all fine and dandy. I didn’t say a peep about it at the time, even if I did quietly pray every night for an entire season that you’d get hit by a Mack truck. But seriously now — and I am serious as a heart attack — stop being my team’s kryptonite. Yeah yeah, you have to play the game… help your team win… Yada yada yada. Shut it.

I’m watching you.

*points fingers at eyes and back in Pollard’s direction*

Categories: NFL, public enemy of the blog Tags: