After much thought and discussion with a higher power, I have chosen my candidate to be the 2nd inductee into the nbamusings.com enemy of the blog hall of shame. That person is… *drumroll*
Dirk “pointy German elbows” Nowitzki
His sins? Swinging those pointy-ass German elbows at my boys!
Gave Scal a concussion last year
Elbowed my favorite player (K-Perk) in the face, causing him to have to show up to the next game with a damn band-aid on his face. Band-aids are so last year! (R.I.P. D-Wade band-aid trend)
He seems like a nice enough guy. Hell, he even likes American treasure, David Hasslehoff. But, I warned him multiple times (exhibit a, exhibit b, exhibit c) to no avail.
The pièce de résistance on his elbowing resume? Carl Landry’s TEETH EMBEDDED IN HIS ARM! Ewww…
Anyway Dirk, you have left me no choice…
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You elbowed my boys. Prepare to die.
*giant pointy elbow swings down from the heavens and decapitates Dirk*
I had a horrible nightmare over the weekend, where the following events occurred:
Two ravens named Ray flew in my window, found my Cheerios and promptly peed all over them.
Pete Carroll lost his mind and quit USC to fly to Washington and cavort with some seahawks.
Duke got stung by a giant bumblebee. [Or yellow jacket. What-ev.]
Some young, athletic hawks of the Atlanta variety hovered over a field of beautiful shamrocks and took a big crap.
A big buffoon named Shrek, I mean Rex, once dead on arrival, was resuscitated and advanced further into the playoffs than my beloved once dominant hoodie sweatshirt.
Oh and right before I woke up screaming, I could have sworn I also dreamt that Charles Barkley was starring in some really cringily racist episodes of MacGyver.
So in conclusion, birds and bees ruined my weekend.
I’m going to start keeping track of all the athletes who become an enemy of this blog. The inaugural nbamusings.com enemy of the blog is…
*drumroll*
Bernard “Patriots Kryptonite” Pollard
Hey Bernie. Can I call you Bernie? Fuck you, I’m calling you Bernie. I know you have a cute little fan club and everything and in some douchebag circles you’re some kind of folk hero for taking out Tom Brady. That’s all fine and dandy. I didn’t say a peep about it at the time, even if I did quietly pray every night for an entire season that you’d get hit by a Mack truck. But seriously now — and I am serious as a heart attack — stop being my team’s kryptonite. Yeah yeah, you have to play the game… help your team win… Yada yada yada. Shut it.
I’m watching you.
*points fingers at eyes and back in Pollard’s direction*
