nba musings

First of all, the moniker of this reality drivel is wildly misleading. It should be called basketball almost-wives or basketball ex-wives, since most of the women featured are either ex-girlfriends or ex-fiancées. Here’s the rundown of the ladies:

1. Evelyn – Ex-fiancée of Antoine Walker
2. Erikka – Ex-girlfriend of Rasual Butler
3. Royce – Baby mama of Dwight Howard’s son
4. Jennifer – Wife of Eric Williams
5. Gloria – Fiancée of Matt Barnes
6. Suzi – Ex-girlfriend of Michael Olowokandi
7. Shauni O’Neal – Divorcing Shaquille O’Neal
8. Rashidah – Friend of Shaunie

An ex-girlfriend of Rasual Butler? Seriously? Was Chris Quinn’s high school girlfriend too busy to do the show or something?

The down and dirty on the show is that the ladies basically get together in contrived situations to spend time together bonding under the guise that as “basketball wives,” they should really stick together. If you’ve ever watched an episode of The Real Housewives: Atlanta, then you’ve practically seen this show. It consists of a lot of bitching about how hard it is to be rich and lonely and what a burden it is to be in a relationship with a professional athlete. The groupies! The travel! The expensive lifestyle of which I’ve become accustomed! It’s sooooo hard!

The bestest, most funnest (Funnest is too a word. Elle Woods said so!) part of the show for me was bemusingly watching them continue to describe Dwight Howard’s baby mama as a “former Magic and Heat dancer” and avoid mentioning his name. I was quietly praying that she would just blurt out the truth from the highest mountain top. I AM NOT JUST A FORMER NBA DANCER! I BIRTHED DWIGHT HOWARD’S BABY GODDAMMIT!

Anyway, here’s a screenshot (with helpful captions) from a particularly pointless scene where the “wives” self-righteously lecture the aforementioned baby mama about acting like a classless whore during a Ludacris/T.O. hosted pool party:

“She’s thrusting her vagina everywhere… It’s just weird.”

What? You don’t call out your friends in the middle of the shoe department?

I’m back, motherf—ers!
* Boston.com: “But Garnett was not just grinning yesterday, following his first official practice since surgery. He was the gregarious, guffawing Garnett. Patellas and popliteus tendons were forgotten. Garnett trained at full speed, along with everyone else, through about three-quarters of the two-hour workout.” [Read the full article: Full speed ahead for Garnett]

Milk carton caption: Missing combo-guard
* Sigh, poor Delonte. I don’t know what’s going on, but for two straight days my Twitter feed has been full of “Delonte missed practice, unexcused” tweets.

Can we all just agree to ban track suits as wedding attire?
* Khlodom wed on Sunday as expected. The countdown to the inevitable “Lamar & Khloe still love & respect one another immensely, but grew apart due to their busy lifestyles” press release begins.

Wedding inspires Tush to run back to Bush
* Someone was supposed to send Reggie Bush my way when he and Kim K. called it quits several months ago. Unfortunately, he never showed up (aw, shucks) and sources say that after Khloe’s wedding (still wearing her purple “Mrs. & Mrs. Odom” track suit, by the by), Kim flew to NOLA to reunite with her former flame and now they’re back on like donkey kong.

Ok, now Steph has really gone insane
* Vibe reports that Steph went off on Jay-Z again via his 24/7 Starbury Plus channel on Justin TV. Sigh. I like Steph, but I’m not on board with the gay diss. He should know better than that. [Read the full article: Stephon Marbury Drops Another Jay-Z Diss]

Charles Barkley thinks you’re a loser
* During a recent interview with Dan Patrick, Charles Barkley expressed his disapproval towards social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook: ”I’m not a damn loser. I don’t Twitter. I think Twittering and all that Facebook crap … that just makes you a loser. I never said to myself, ‘I wonder what what’s his name is doing today.’” Haha, gotta love him. [Read full article: Barkley says Twitter is for losers, weighs in on T.O., Jordan]

From Star Magazine:

Exclusive: Khloe Kardashian’s Wedding Invite!

Is it just me or do those invites look like they were scrawled on paper lunch bags?

Related articles:

• Khloe and Lamar Celebrate with Bachelorette and Bachelor Bashes

Son of a bitch! Son – of – a – biiiiiiiitch!
* Dear Tom Brady, You do remember that losing is NOT an option, right? Especially when the other team has spent the week trash talking you and their head coach is a large buffoon?! Oh and your counterpart on the other side is an inexperienced rookie playing in only his 2nd regular season game. You are a Superbowl winning juggernaut. Act like it for the love of baby Bundchens and all that is holy. You only know WIN, you don’t know LOSE. Right? RIGHT? Your fans are VERY spoiled. Do not make us have to come down to earth and mill around in Mediocreville where other fans reside. I won’t have it. You hear me, mister?! Ok. I’m glad we had this talk. Now, get out there and massacre the competition from here on out! Chop chop! [boston.com - Some days are better than others]

Not the first sign of trouble actually
* Brian Windhorst provides a little more insight into the psyche of Delonte West. According to the article, West is bipolar and despite being wildly popular with both fans and his team, has had an erratic year. Cited are a few things I’d never heard, such as being late to multiple games — including a playoff game. Windhorst says the Cavs have thus far been extremely supportive, but wonders if they will have to draw the line at some point. [cleveland.com - Delonte West's firearms arrest another challenge for the Cleveland Cavaliers]

He needs a pet name. I dub him… “Big Buffoon”
* Michael Crabtree is still holding out on the San Fran 49ers and is now accusing the NY Jets of tampering. YAWN! I don’t really care about that crap. What I do think is interesting though, is Rex Ryan’s reaction when asked about it on ESPN’s Mike & Mike show. He called it “ridiculous” and said, “I wish we were playing them.” What now? You want to play them? That’s chutzpah! Actually, he’s exactly what those sorry ass Jets needed. They needed a guy like to roll into town, grab them by the scruff of the necks and yell into their faces, “Look you bunch of pantywaists, stand up to those bullies and don’t come back here unless you still have your damn lunch money!” I love it. Finally a team I hate worse than the Giants! [allheadlinenews.com - Jets' Coach Ryan Denies Tampering With Holdout Wideout Crabtree]

Khlodom marriage imminent?
* I know this is a stupid story and I keep reporting on it like it’s interesting, but to me, it really is fairly fascinating. When I’m not watching professional sports, I’m usually watching reality television on either Bravo or E! Sure, that might be lame, but you will rip the latest episode of The Rachel Zoe Project from my cold dead hands! Anyway, I am currently up-to-date on Khloe & Kourtney Take Miami on E! So I’m quite sure that I know way more than I should about the sisters Kardashian and their love lives. It always amazes me when people get married after knowing each other only a month or a few months. The odds of it working out forever are not good. Then again, most marriages these days don’t work out anyway, so I guess what the hell. Congrats to the future Mr. and Mrs. Khlodom! [FOXSports.com - Report: Odom engaged to Khloe Kardashian]

If you can’t believe a boozed out bisexual internet phenom, who can you believe?
* Depending on who you believe, Tila Tequila was either choked out and unlawfully restrained by “boyfriend,” Shawne Merriman – or – respectfully detained by an “acquaintance” only interested in keeping her from driving while intoxicated. More on this tawdry tale… Shawne Merriman’s lawyer: LB was seeking ride for ‘extremely intoxicated’ Tila Tequila | NFL’s Merriman accused of choking girlfriend Tila Tequila

Slick Rick
* Rick Fox is joining Melrose Place. And the jokes will clearly just write themselves.

He said, he said
* While I was away from blogdom and Twitterdom, there was a sad and tragic breakup! Ashton & Demi? No, worse! Steph and Mooncricket!! Noooooo! What the heck happened? I can only imagine. Amusingly though, the two decided to take to their respective Twitters to air it out. From what I can gather, Mooncricket got pissed about something and left casa de Starbury. Steph then implored him to come back or at least pick up the phone and call him. Alas though, it appears to be over. Oh the humanity!

Beckett bites the big one (No! I will NOT say, “pause.” That is stupid. STUPID!, I say.)
* My boyfriend, Josh Beckett, appears to be in the midst of a tragic slump. I tried to watch today’s game (CWS 5, BOS 1), but just couldn’t do it. The Josh Beckett that I know and love, rips opposing hitters’ hearts out, throws them to the ground and spits on them. I don’t want to remember him any other way.

A watched kettle finally boils
* Finally! Marquis Daniels signs on the dotted line. I like what I’m hearing from him so far: “Not many people get a chance to play with Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Rasheed Wallace. It’s a good opportunity and I’ll worry about the money later. Right now we have to worry about one thing, and that’s winning the championship this season.” Sounds like a smart guy to me. Now, lets get this season started! I’m tired of waiting. This off-season has been WAY TOO LONG! More from Boston.com: Celtics get their man

ps. Brad Penny sucks weenies
* Don’t you just love it when a guy loses games for you all season long, then gets released and pitches gems for their new team? You don’t? Yeah, me either. Suck it, Brad Penny!!

^ I won’t miss these god awful puns… at all! ^

Say it ain’t so, Ocho
* He’ll be back. Like a moth to the flame…

Perk is betrothed
* Perk married his baby mama! From Boston.com:

The Celtics center got hitched in Houston over the weekend to his longtime girlfriend Vanity. Wedding guests included teammates Rajon Rondo and Leon Powe, and former men in green Ricky Davis and Patrick O’Bryant.

There are some great pictures at LOY’s Place if you want to check them out. Perk is even smiling, which shocks most everybody but me. I saw him smile huge once talking about his baby boy. I knew he had it in him.

Manny’s bobblehead to reporters: This is my town (until I join the Yankees someday)
* Apparently the Dodgers’ recent “Manny Bobblehead Night” did not go off without a hitch. From MercuryNews.com:

The Dodgers are still the major leagues’ best team and Manny Ramirez is still the star attraction, but this season will continue to contain its odd moments. For instance, Wednesday night. It was Manny bobblehead night at Dodger Stadium. But the initial sponsor, Kaiser Permanente, had to pull out because of that icky little steroid/female fertility thing.

In grand ole Manny fashion though, he got the last word. Despite initially sitting out with injury, he went in to pinch hit and ended up drilling a grand slam home run right to his faithful flock in the Mannywood section. Oh Manny…

Daniels to join the Celtics, someday… I think…
* I realize I have yet to post about Marquis Daniels joining the Celtics. There are a few reasons for this. The main reason is that I have absolutely no idea when/if he’s coming on board. I’m not super interested in players who “might” join the Celtics. Until they actually show up at the presser and hold up their jersey, I’m kind of meh.

Brett Favre, Attention Whore (It’s on the business card)
* This just in… Brett Favre has informed the Minnesota Vikings (and Rachel Nichols, his BFF) that he is going to remain retired. (pause) Except… I just read this tweet from Rich Eisen:

Stop the insanity!

Hmmm, now that I think of it, maybe Starbury’s boy Mooncricket could set up Favre with his own 24/7 Justin.tv channel.

Hey Reggie, call me
* Also recently just in… Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush bit the dust couple-wise. YES! Reggie Bush, back on the market. Be still my heart. Tony Romo apparently also tossed Jessica Simpson into the bedpost notch deadpool – on the eve of her 29th birthday no less. It’s like Logan’s Run! “Umm, Jess… You’re almost 30. An NFL QB like me has a short window of time where he can score the grade A tail. I’ve gotta toss you like a Domino’s pizza, sorry… Oh yeah, and you can’t come over anymore! I’m putting up a sign — persona non grata!”

Show me your number ones! Show me your number ones! Clap seal, clap!
* Speaking of StarburyTV, what kind of shenanigans are going on at Stephon Marbury’s house today? I don’t know… I can’t watch it at work (probably for the best), but when I checked it around 7pm tonight, this random dude was dancing in front of the camera telling the viewers to show him their number 1s. I had to call bullshit on this. It’s bad enough when Steph goes apeshit and demands number 1s like we’re all a bunch of trained f-king seals, but I’ll be damned if any old douchebag gets to jump on his camera and do it. C’mon Steph, we need standards and practices, babe.

Who is this dude?

If you’re interested, be my guest… but be prepared to throw your number 1s, number 2s, numbers 3s or to keep it 100. Love is love, Daddy.

Ewww. I saw this on Chelsea Lately and it sufficiently freaked me out enough to track it down on YouTube. Does she understand at all the way she comes off on television or does she just not care?

I shall commence yammering… don’t mind me.

Madonna & A-Rod rumor – What’s so weird about it? If it’s true, it means they can get couples mani/pedis together.

Brett Favre unretirement rumor – Aaron Rogers will kill him in his sleep. No, really.

Baron Davis to the Clippers – A shorter trip for his celebrity fanclub. Works for me.

Watched the Tila Tequila finale last night. Wow. I’m SHOCKED. Absolutely SHOCKED that Tila didn’t end up finding her one true love. Whatever will she do? Hmmm…

1-Sign up at Match.com?
2-Try being single for awhile?
3-Continue to degrade herself and others for entertainment purposes by filming a 3rd season of “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila”? (Hint: It’s this one.)