review: vh1′s basketball wives
First of all, the moniker of this reality drivel is wildly misleading. It should be called basketball almost-wives or basketball ex-wives, since most of the women featured are either ex-girlfriends or ex-fiancées. Here’s the rundown of the ladies:
- Evelyn – Ex-fiancée of Antoine Walker
- Erikka – Ex-girlfriend of Rasual Butler
- Royce – Baby mama of Dwight Howard’s son
- Jennifer – Wife of Eric Williams
- Gloria – Fiancée of Matt Barnes
- Suzi – Ex-girlfriend of Michael Olowokandi
- Shauni O’Neal – Divorcing Shaquille O’Neal
- Rashidah – Friend of Shaunie
An ex-girlfriend of Rasual Butler? Seriously? Was Chris Quinn’s high school girlfriend too busy to do the show or something?
The down and dirty on the show is that the ladies basically get together in contrived situations to spend time together bonding under the guise that as “basketball wives,” they should really stick together. If you’ve ever watched an episode of The Real Housewives: Atlanta, then you’ve practically seen this show. It consists of a lot of bitching about how hard it is to be rich and lonely and what a burden it is to be in a relationship with a professional athlete. The groupies! The travel! The expensive lifestyle of which I’ve become accustomed! It’s sooooo hard!
The bestest, most funnest (Funnest is too a word. Elle Woods said so!) part of the show for me was bemusingly watching them continue to describe Dwight Howard’s baby mama as a “former Magic and Heat dancer” and avoid mentioning his name. I was quietly praying that she would just blurt out the truth from the highest mountain top. I AM NOT JUST A FORMER NBA DANCER! I BIRTHED DWIGHT HOWARD’S BABY GODDAMMIT!
Anyway, here’s a screenshot (with helpful captions) from a particularly pointless scene where the “wives” self-righteously lecture the aforementioned baby mama about acting like a classless whore during a Ludacris/T.O. hosted pool party:

“She’s thrusting her vagina everywhere… It’s just weird.”
What? You don’t call out your friends in the middle of the shoe department?
I’m back, motherf—ers!
Milk carton caption: Missing combo-guard
Can we all just agree to ban track suits as wedding attire?
Wedding inspires Tush to run back to Bush
Ok, now Steph has really gone insane
Charles Barkley thinks you’re a loser
Son of a bitch! Son – of – a – biiiiiiiitch!
Not the first sign of trouble actually
He needs a pet name. I dub him… “Big Buffoon”
Khlodom marriage imminent?
If you can’t believe a boozed out bisexual internet phenom, who can you believe?
He said, he said
A watched kettle finally boils



I shall commence yammering… don’t mind me.