nba musings

I’m so bored. Is this what my evenings are going to be like without the NBA? Mindless Internet surfing and Twitter feed perusing? Wait, that’s what I do all the time anyway. It’s just that usually the NBA is on the TV in my left eye’s periphery and not an all day Monk marathon. Anyway, here is what
the muse™ has been noodling on tonight…

Just when you think T.J. Simers is the biggest dipshit columnist in L.A.
It’s since been removed, but L.A. Times columnist Ted Green (some no-name guy getting lots and lots of free publicity today) wrote a seemingly benign column about all the reasons Laker fans should hate the Celtics (like they need a list? Really? The 2008 ass kicking wasn’t reason enough for people?) until the part where he made fun of Paul Pierce getting stabbed. Yes, that’s right… getting stabbed is funny! Sigh. Dumbass. [NESN: Los Angeles Times Writer Jokes About Paul Pierce's Stabbing]

I’m sorry, but Perk is adorable
This is a non-story really, but I don’t care what Perk thinks… He’s cute as a button. [Ball Don't Lie: Kendrick Perkins is ugly, according to Kendrick Perkins]

Revenge is a dish best served lukewarm
If you follow Matt Barnes on Twitter (and if you’re not, you should be — he’s not big on censoring himself and it’s fabulous) then you know that he’s been simmering like a tea kettle for the last couple of months over some beef with the ladies of VH-1′s Basketball Wives. Well, I guess the pot finally boiled over:

Seasons over I’m waitn 4 one of u bball groupies 2 say sumthen NOW!! No 1 would know any of u if u kept ur legs closed. B EZ tricks!!!

Hmmm, that’s it? That’s the big truth he threatened to divulge about these women after the season was over — that he thinks they’re groupie whores? Gosh Matt, why don’t you just tell me that you think the sky is blue while you’re at it? It would be equally news breaking. [James Poling: Matt Barnes Challenges Groupies and Tricks on Twitter to Keep Their Legs Closed]

First of all, the moniker of this reality drivel is wildly misleading. It should be called basketball almost-wives or basketball ex-wives, since most of the women featured are either ex-girlfriends or ex-fiancées. Here’s the rundown of the ladies:

1. Evelyn – Ex-fiancée of Antoine Walker
2. Erikka – Ex-girlfriend of Rasual Butler
3. Royce – Baby mama of Dwight Howard’s son
4. Jennifer – Wife of Eric Williams
5. Gloria – Fiancée of Matt Barnes
6. Suzi – Ex-girlfriend of Michael Olowokandi
7. Shauni O’Neal – Divorcing Shaquille O’Neal
8. Rashidah – Friend of Shaunie

An ex-girlfriend of Rasual Butler? Seriously? Was Chris Quinn’s high school girlfriend too busy to do the show or something?

The down and dirty on the show is that the ladies basically get together in contrived situations to spend time together bonding under the guise that as “basketball wives,” they should really stick together. If you’ve ever watched an episode of The Real Housewives: Atlanta, then you’ve practically seen this show. It consists of a lot of bitching about how hard it is to be rich and lonely and what a burden it is to be in a relationship with a professional athlete. The groupies! The travel! The expensive lifestyle of which I’ve become accustomed! It’s sooooo hard!

The bestest, most funnest (Funnest is too a word. Elle Woods said so!) part of the show for me was bemusingly watching them continue to describe Dwight Howard’s baby mama as a “former Magic and Heat dancer” and avoid mentioning his name. I was quietly praying that she would just blurt out the truth from the highest mountain top. I AM NOT JUST A FORMER NBA DANCER! I BIRTHED DWIGHT HOWARD’S BABY GODDAMMIT!

Anyway, here’s a screenshot (with helpful captions) from a particularly pointless scene where the “wives” self-righteously lecture the aforementioned baby mama about acting like a classless whore during a Ludacris/T.O. hosted pool party:

“She’s thrusting her vagina everywhere… It’s just weird.”

What? You don’t call out your friends in the middle of the shoe department?

What a weekend
* I had a good sports weekend. My Patriots slaughtered the Titans, my Celtics blew out the Raptors, my Trojans squeaked out the win against Notre Dame and my favorite Nascar driver, Jimmie Johnson, won the race in Charlotte and increased his points lead in the chase. All in all, a very upbeat and pleasant weekend for me. The Jets even got their asses handed to them. The cherry on top. Cheers. *clanking my beer can against yours*

Those damn Yankees
* My mom is a true believer. She thinks the Angels have a ghost’s chance in hell of beating the Yankees and getting to the world series. I think she’s crazy. As much as it makes me want to vomit in my mouth a little, the Yankees are clearly the front-runners to win the world series. Oh sweet bloody hell, I think a bolt of lightning just zapped me dead. I can’t finish this thought. I just hope I jinxed them by saying that. *fingers crossed*

Disclaimer: If you don’t watch The Hills, skip this paragraph
* First of all, I know this show is scripted and stupid and most of the people on it are nitwits. That being said, I just have to post some observations and get them out there so they aren’t rattling around in my head anymore. 1 – Since when have Kristin and Spencer’s bimbo bartender been BFF? Suddenly they’re hanging out all the time and the show never bothers to explain why. WTF? 2 – How awkward are those scenes with Audrina, Lo and Stephanie? There’s no good reason that combo would ever be together. Over the years, Lo was never around anyone unless Lauren was there. Come on, MTV. We know it’s not real-real, but still.

I’m back, motherf—ers!
* Boston.com: “But Garnett was not just grinning yesterday, following his first official practice since surgery. He was the gregarious, guffawing Garnett. Patellas and popliteus tendons were forgotten. Garnett trained at full speed, along with everyone else, through about three-quarters of the two-hour workout.” [Read the full article: Full speed ahead for Garnett]

Milk carton caption: Missing combo-guard
* Sigh, poor Delonte. I don’t know what’s going on, but for two straight days my Twitter feed has been full of “Delonte missed practice, unexcused” tweets.

Can we all just agree to ban track suits as wedding attire?
* Khlodom wed on Sunday as expected. The countdown to the inevitable “Lamar & Khloe still love & respect one another immensely, but grew apart due to their busy lifestyles” press release begins.

Wedding inspires Tush to run back to Bush
* Someone was supposed to send Reggie Bush my way when he and Kim K. called it quits several months ago. Unfortunately, he never showed up (aw, shucks) and sources say that after Khloe’s wedding (still wearing her purple “Mrs. & Mrs. Odom” track suit, by the by), Kim flew to NOLA to reunite with her former flame and now they’re back on like donkey kong.

Ok, now Steph has really gone insane
* Vibe reports that Steph went off on Jay-Z again via his 24/7 Starbury Plus channel on Justin TV. Sigh. I like Steph, but I’m not on board with the gay diss. He should know better than that. [Read the full article: Stephon Marbury Drops Another Jay-Z Diss]

Charles Barkley thinks you’re a loser
* During a recent interview with Dan Patrick, Charles Barkley expressed his disapproval towards social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook: ”I’m not a damn loser. I don’t Twitter. I think Twittering and all that Facebook crap … that just makes you a loser. I never said to myself, ‘I wonder what what’s his name is doing today.’” Haha, gotta love him. [Read full article: Barkley says Twitter is for losers, weighs in on T.O., Jordan]

From Star Magazine:

Exclusive: Khloe Kardashian’s Wedding Invite!

Is it just me or do those invites look like they were scrawled on paper lunch bags?

Related articles:

• Khloe and Lamar Celebrate with Bachelorette and Bachelor Bashes

Son of a bitch! Son – of – a – biiiiiiiitch!
* Dear Tom Brady, You do remember that losing is NOT an option, right? Especially when the other team has spent the week trash talking you and their head coach is a large buffoon?! Oh and your counterpart on the other side is an inexperienced rookie playing in only his 2nd regular season game. You are a Superbowl winning juggernaut. Act like it for the love of baby Bundchens and all that is holy. You only know WIN, you don’t know LOSE. Right? RIGHT? Your fans are VERY spoiled. Do not make us have to come down to earth and mill around in Mediocreville where other fans reside. I won’t have it. You hear me, mister?! Ok. I’m glad we had this talk. Now, get out there and massacre the competition from here on out! Chop chop! [boston.com - Some days are better than others]

Not the first sign of trouble actually
* Brian Windhorst provides a little more insight into the psyche of Delonte West. According to the article, West is bipolar and despite being wildly popular with both fans and his team, has had an erratic year. Cited are a few things I’d never heard, such as being late to multiple games — including a playoff game. Windhorst says the Cavs have thus far been extremely supportive, but wonders if they will have to draw the line at some point. [cleveland.com - Delonte West's firearms arrest another challenge for the Cleveland Cavaliers]

He needs a pet name. I dub him… “Big Buffoon”
* Michael Crabtree is still holding out on the San Fran 49ers and is now accusing the NY Jets of tampering. YAWN! I don’t really care about that crap. What I do think is interesting though, is Rex Ryan’s reaction when asked about it on ESPN’s Mike & Mike show. He called it “ridiculous” and said, “I wish we were playing them.” What now? You want to play them? That’s chutzpah! Actually, he’s exactly what those sorry ass Jets needed. They needed a guy like to roll into town, grab them by the scruff of the necks and yell into their faces, “Look you bunch of pantywaists, stand up to those bullies and don’t come back here unless you still have your damn lunch money!” I love it. Finally a team I hate worse than the Giants! [allheadlinenews.com - Jets' Coach Ryan Denies Tampering With Holdout Wideout Crabtree]

Khlodom marriage imminent?
* I know this is a stupid story and I keep reporting on it like it’s interesting, but to me, it really is fairly fascinating. When I’m not watching professional sports, I’m usually watching reality television on either Bravo or E! Sure, that might be lame, but you will rip the latest episode of The Rachel Zoe Project from my cold dead hands! Anyway, I am currently up-to-date on Khloe & Kourtney Take Miami on E! So I’m quite sure that I know way more than I should about the sisters Kardashian and their love lives. It always amazes me when people get married after knowing each other only a month or a few months. The odds of it working out forever are not good. Then again, most marriages these days don’t work out anyway, so I guess what the hell. Congrats to the future Mr. and Mrs. Khlodom! [FOXSports.com - Report: Odom engaged to Khloe Kardashian]

A shotgun? In a guitar case? WTF?
* What the hell is Cleveland doing to my beloved Delonte West? I blame YOU for this, LeBron! Word has it that the mercurial KFC fan was bombing down the street on a Can-Am Spyder motorcycle somewhere in Maryland when he wisely cut off an officer. D’oh! He was subsequently found to be packing some major heat — two loaded handguns and a loaded shotgun in a guitar case. A guitar case. And the legend continues… smh. More on this from ESPN/AP – Cavs’ West arrested in Maryland

They need a couples name. I dub them… Khlodom
* People magazine is reporting that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are already picking out wedding rings. Why the hell not? He’d be an easy man to cook for. Hey honey, you want the Skittles tonight or the Twizzlers? More on this whirlwind romance from People.com – Khloe Kardashian to Marry L.A. Lakers Player

Bouncing back
* NFL wide receiver (and Kendra baby daddy), Hank Baskett has landed on his feet after being kicked to the curb by the Philly Eagles. He’ll now be catching passes from Peyton Manning for the Indy Colts who needed a replacement after the team lost wide-out Anthony Gonzalez in a week 1 knee injury. Not a bad team to end up with, all things being equal. It’s not like getting traded to the Raiders or something. RIP Richard Seymour. More tidbits from USA Today – Hank Baskett, Playmate wife join Peyton Manning’s team

NBA fans, prepare for scab refs
* No Dick Bavetta? No Joey Crawford? What hell, you say? More on this from Yahoo! Sports – NBA to move ahead with replacement refs

New phenomenon – the Twitter feud
* So the latest Twitter feud is currently on-going and stars Jets bigmouth, Kerry Rhodes and former Patriot, Rodney Harrison. The gist is that Rodney called out Kerry for threatening to embarrass the Pats and more specifically for threatening to hit QB and patron saint, Tom Brady. They’re going back and forth barbing yet claiming to respect each other. Blah, blah, blah. Lets just cut to it. Clearly, Rodney is right. He’s a former Patriot and the other guy is a smelly NY Jet. There. Done.  More on this silly social media feud from WEEI - Kerry Rhodes and Rodney Harrison Engage in Twitter Battle

From Rashad McCants to Lamar Odom. Upgrade!
* Even though I’m still pissed at Lamar for tackling Ray Allen out of bounds two seasons ago (Yes, that’s right. I’m still pissed. Don’t f–k with my boys! Rawrrrr!), I would still have to call this a step up. Not for nothing, but I kind of assumed Lamar was a lot older than Khloe. Turns out she’s 25 and he’s only 29. Hold up. He’s only 29? He seems a LOT older. Maybe because he’s been rattling around the league for so long. Nothing else about this story is particularly interesting though, but hey, it’s a slow news day. Ah well, cheers to the happy couple… or whatever.

More from the gossip honks:

• Khloe Kardashian’s New Romance With Los Angeles Laker Lamar Odom
• Khloe Kardashian dating Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom: BOA Lovers

Ok *now* things are getting weird…
* Apparently, at some point in time when I wasn’t watching (which believe it or not is most of the time) Steph apparently invited a guy named Daniel from the Starbury TV chat room whose mother recently died to come work for him and stay at the house. He flew him in and TMZ filmed the whole thing at the airport and apparently while driving home, they were involved in a minor fender bender (which is up on YouTube). Also at some point today, Steph’s sister flew in unannounced from Washington D.C. because she, “heard he was buggin’.” Then later, the behind-the-scenes camera showed Mooncricket (the Justin.tv camera guy who has been helping Steph with the streaming since the beginning) and the new kid Daniel sitting in the movie theater in Steph’s house. Steph came into the room and handed Daniel a cell phone and told him that he’s going to pay him to answer it.

Here’s this phone and I’m going to pay you… but you have to answer it!

Later on, Steph sent out a tweet giving out the number as some kind of hotline.

Just to see what would happen, I called the number. It went straight to voice mail and said the box is full. Steph is supposed to be coming on later tonight with this kid Daniel around 11:30pm est.

I have to work tomorrow (and also may be too busy getting love advice on Ustream from Chad Ocho Cinco) so I don’t think I’m going to watch… We’ll see though.

Update #1: Yeah, ok… I stayed up and watched. Well actually I was watching Chad (who also gave out his phone number tonight — what’s up with these guys?) and someone on Twitter said Steph was on so I checked it out. He came on at 11:25pm and started taking calls from fans on the cell phone mentioned above. Then announced that this 24/7 thing was going to be his life from now on. Blamed ESPN for making him look crazy. Danced around to Diamond Girl. Rinse. Repeat. I guess the big announcement was fans being able to reach him now. I think I’ll stick with Chad and his love advice. If I have to listen to any more Drake or that damn Diamond Girl song, I’m going to go apeshit.

Update #2: Later on, he got in a fight with his sister (and it’s already been posted on Youtube). In the morning, his stream window was black but music could be heard playing. He spent the morning talking to fans in the chat application and at one point indicated that he would like to play basketball overseas in Italy [Broadcaster starburytv: yes they did say that i was crazy for saying that i was going to go over seas which 99 percent of me is going to italy to play. i cant wait either. man its going to be great.]

…and is there a 12-step program for attention addiction?
* Just when I find myself able to slowly back away from the addictive crack that is Starbury TV, Chad Ocho Cinco has to come along and create a channel on Ustream. Noooooo! I watched a little of “The Ocho Cinco Show” earlier tonight just to see what it was all about. I figured there would be a lot of haterade in the chat room and Chad would be screaming at people to show him their number 1s and refrain from boxing him up UPS-style. It ended up being surprisingly tame, with him brushing most negative comments off and showing off his cigar collection. He did say one startling thing though. He had to leave for dinner and said that when he comes back, he’ll stay up all night and answer questions. Uh oh! I’ve read this script before and it ends with a lot of Drake, crying and petroleum jelly. Not good, not good. Either way folks, just remember… narcissists who crave attention are people too.

Chad shows off his favorite cigars…

You think I didn’t check on Steph? You been eatin’ Vaseline?
* Of course, when I got home from work tonight, I had to check in on my boy Steph on Starbury TV. I watched for a few minutes while he danced frenetically to the now ubiquitous, Diamond Girl, until he started unbuckling his pants and threatened to pull them down. Um yeah, no thank you. I honestly am hoping that some night soon, I’m going to check and that page on Justin.tv will be gone. As “entertaining” as this has been during what might have been a very long and dull off-season, I’d like to see him get some professional help. J.A. Adande wrote a nice piece on the subject that I’ve linked to below.

They tried to put me in a box…

What’s good around the blogosphere:

Off-season? What Off-season?
* Nat from Heels on Hardwood breaks down all the latest “off-season” goings-on: The NBA – Where 365 Days Of Entertainment Happens

Step by Step? Bitch, please
* On his Both Teams Played Hard blog, Jared Wade uncovers an alarming lack of sitcom theme song awareness in Orlando in: Not a Lot of Dave Coulier Fans in Orlando

Hmmm, turtles doing the boinky boink or a tribute post to Paul Pierce? Tough call
* My favorite Red’s Army post to date. A very nice tribute to Paul Pierce and his legacy as a Celtic in: Paul Pierce: The last great Celtic

Speaking of Red’s Army…
* Graham Brunell from Celtics 17 interviewed the guys who run the Red’s Army blog in: Interview With John Karalis and Chuck McKenney Of Red’s Army

What’s good around the mainstream:

Love is love, Daddy!
* In a piece for ESPN, J.A. Adande weighs in on Starbury TV in: Streaming Steph is a sad, sad show