Elbows, techs and concussions – oh my!
This conversation I had with my mother will tell you everything you need to know about how I feel about last night’s game:
Mom: I better never catch anyone in this family cheering for the Orlando Magic during the regular season ever again. You will be disowned.
Me: Oh you won’t. They are dead to me. DEAD! Forever dead, dead, toe up in the grave, dead.
Mom: Good. Even J.J.?
Me: *silence*
Mom: Even that little pisher, J.J. Redick, right?! Right!?
Me: Yes, ok. He can suck it too.
Mom: If those damn Magic somehow make it to the finals, I swear… I’ll root for the…
Me: The Lakers? Yes, me too. Just like last year.
Mom: What?! No, I was going to say the Suns.
*silence*
Mom: You rooted for the Lakers last year?
Me: Over the Magic, yes.
Mom: Jesus.
That’s right. I’d rather root for Satan’s basketball team. So there. 
I realized the old ‘about me’ page bit the dust along the way somehow, so here’s a new one. I’ve been listing my favorite things while yacking with peeps on Twitter during the Heat/Bulls game. Please to enjoy…
I work from home tomorrow, so I’ll be posting my afterthoughts on last night’s Magic game then. It’s video Friday too, so I’ll also be posting some vids. Stay tuned.
So Brett Favre is a Jet. I was flipping channels when the news broke and I think it’s a sure sign that I watch too much ESPN that my first thought was, “Greeny is going to be so excited!” Oy. It’s going to be interesting [for the Patriots] playing a Jets team that doesn’t suck monkeyballs (assuming that with Brett, they won’t suck monkeyballs). I heard that the Jets store sold 3200 Favre jerseys in one day and broke the record for most jerseys sold in one day. Personally, I would’ve waited a few days in case he changed his mind, but that’s just me. 
I’m excited to have the NFL coming back. Not as excited as if the NBA was back, but at least there will now be something on besides baseball. I love the Red Sox, but baseball is by far my least favorite sport to watch regularly. Also, with NBA/NFL there are other teams I’m interested in besides Celtics/Pats, but with baseball, I’m only interested in the Sox. I watched the Saints/Cardinals game last night aka Reggie/Matt. Reggie’s team beat Matt’s by quite a bit. Those preseason games are so meaningless though, it’s hard to get too jazzed either way.
So Manny is suddenly hitting homers again and running hard… It’s a MIRACLE! That little frackhead. Before we know it, he’s going to be in pinstripes high-fiving Johnny Damon. Well what do you know, I’m still a bitter Mannyhater. I think I’ll just embrace it…
Update: Sweet baby jesus. I’ve seen it all now. Boston.com reports that due to “Manny Mania” they’re going to start selling Dodgers hats out in LA with dreadlocks sewn into them… I know I should get over this one of these days and stop reporting on every stupid move Manny makes, but that would require me to become mature and de-bitter-ize myself and let’s face it, that ain’t happening. Speaking of bitterness, Eli Manning is on Sports Center right now hawking DirectTV. Even though I know he’s a good guy, I still want to punch him. *sigh* I have issues.
I apparently missed an epic Red Sox game today. Thank goodness NESN is re-airing it tonight. It is a little weird though, watching a game that you know the outcome of already. I’m suffering from a serious lack of suspense here. I’m happy to suffer though, since it means I already know they score 18 fracking runs! 
I don’t know if I addressed it in my About page ramblings, but I like to wink a lot. Like an annoying amount. Practically everything I write online, I feel the need to accompany with a wink. Nothing to be alarmed about. Feel free to ignore them.
In NBA free agency news, Elton Brand is heading to Philly, Corey Maggette to Golden State and apparently Michael Peitrus is heading to Orlando. Wait. What? Wha wha what? This means the Orlando fracking Tragic Magic have SIX shooting guards. They already had four (Maurice Evans – starter, Keith Bogans, Keyon Dooling, and J.J. Redick – backups). Then they drafted Courtney Lee in the first round. Now, they’re spending almost their entire mid-level exception on Michael Pietrus from GSW. They must have a trade or two up their sleeves because they’re desperate for a starting backup point guard and also really need a solid power forward. Still though. SIX shooting guards. Sweet mother of god.
Holy hell, it’s hot up in this bitch. This bitch being New England. I’m sure other parts of the country are much hotter, but I only care about me obviously.
My day today started out super. The darling counter chick at Dunkin Donuts bitched me out because she got my order wrong. Yes, it was all MY fault she couldn’t wrap her mind around the difference between an ice coffee and a regular coffee on a 90+ degree day. It was clearly way out of line for me to expect her to correct it. I might’ve screamed “f–k you and your mother too” as I was peeling away from the drive-thru window. Homie don’t play on a sunny day, yo. <– I clearly missed my calling as a gangsta rapper. I haven’t heard a rhyme this tight since…
The Red Sox managed to win a close one last night. Papelbon actually saved a game too. I’m thinking streak. Let’s do it! Hopefully the Rays continue to lose too. That would be most helpful. My theory on them is that they’re shooting their wad right now and will be burned out by the time we get to the playoffs. Well, that’s the plan on my end anyway. I didn’t actually watch last night’s game until the final inning. I have an attention span problem when it comes to baseball unless I really force myself to watch from beginning to end… oh and speaking of attention span problems, what’s this I hear about Manny not swinging at pitches during the game? What hell, you say? I prefer to think he was just daydreaming about ponies and forgot he was at the plate.
For the love of the kabbalah red string and all that is holy, would the braintrust at ESPN and all their various talking heads please PLEASE please stop qualifying themselves every time they want to say anything about Stray A-Rod. I’m so sick of hearing them tap dance around the fact that they’re reporting on gossip. They should either shut the frack up and not talk about it – if it really pains them so much — or they should just talk about it and not worry about how it makes them look. Personally, I don’t see ESPN as a bastion of impartiality in the first place, so what difference does it make?
Dear Brett Favre – MAKE UP YOUR FRACKING MIND! Thank you and good day sir. I said good day!
The fking Spurs are still alive and well in the playoffs. They do this to torment me. *shaking fist at the sky*
My beloved Celtics are playing the Lebrons away again tonight. Unlike Jameer, I will not guarantee a victory for my team. Instead… I’m introducing a new product that I believe will be useful for years to come:
I hate to put the ole hex-a-rino on Lebron because I do like him, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
In other news, ESPN has been talking about Kim Kardashian’s my boyfriend all day because there’s another USC athletics scandal. That’s been fun. I understand why its a story and all, but raise your hand if you’re really shocked and awed by the idea that O.J. Mayo might’ve started accepting “cash and gifts” early… I’m not going to make excuses because quite honestly, I don’t really care. If someone backs a truck up to my house and offers me a flat screen and a suitcase of money, I’m not saying, “No thanks” but maybe that’s just me.
Crap! Just remembered the Celtics, Gossip Girl and The Hills are all on tonight. Why can’t I clone myself? Obviously the Celtics game 4 playoff game is the most important… but, its also extremely important to find out who Serena killed. *sigh* It’s like Sophie’s Choice!
I plan on blogging here about all the stupid things I watch on television. Which is comprised mostly of NBA basketball and reality television. Sounds exciting doesn’t it? Shutty. :p
