I’m 5’4″ and I could probably guard J.J. Redick

Personally, I think picking your favorite Yankee is like choosing a favorite turd, but that’s just me
* Mike Lupica thinks Derek Jeter is having a “season for the ages.” Puke. No, I have nothing else to say on the subject. I’m mainly posting this to compare Yankees to turds. Carry on. [H/T Deadspin] Full article: Yankees captain Derek Jeter having season for ages at 35

You mean Shaq isn’t really the lovable baffoon we all think he is? What hell, you say?
* The Arizona Republic’s Dan Bickley takes on the Big Shaqtus and has a word of warning for the city of Cleveland about welcoming a guy who hasn’t exactly ever embraced the sidekick role with open arms over the years. Even though some of this comes off as a personal attack born from sour grapes, I still found it insightful. Shaq definitely has a way of wiping away all past sins with his sense of humor and charisma. Full article: Bickley: Cleveland, beware of Shaq the Hack

Last, but certainly not least…
* Happy 75th Birthday, Tommy Heinsohn! More love for Tommy: CelticsBlog, LOY’s Place

The Boston Globe reports:

The Celtics are expected to announce the signing of free agent forward Glen Davis to a contract, and have scheduled a press conference for 11:30 a.m. Monday.

Davis, a restricted free agent, agreed to a two-year contract during weekend negotiations.

What else is new?
* The Red Sox choked up a 4-game series to Satan’s spawn. I had no idea I was following so many damn Yankees fans on Twitter until this weekend. Most of them are pretty cool which makes it that much worse. Rotten bastards.  My mom tried to tell me the Sox were starting to suck about a month ago and I called her chicken little and told her to chill out. I hate it when she’s right! I blame Dice-K. No wait, J.D. Drew… Unless no – it’s Papi’s fault or that damn Bucholtz, no it’s… oh blah. 

Back like a bad penny
* Ben Wallace is returning to the Detroit Pistons for the veteran’s minimum. BDL’s Kelly Dwyer breaks it down…

Beckett’s fastball, from the first inning to the seventh, hummed in the mid-90s, topping out at 96 miles per hour, a velocity he reached on his first pitch. He sprinkled in the changeup that he honed during spring training and buckled Rays batters with his curveball.

Of all the ways to measure Beckett’s dominance, the best might be this: He did not allow a hit from the windup. Against the 18 batters he faced with no one on base, Beckett struck out nine and walked two. (Excerpt from: Beckett comeback gets off to a great start, 4/8/09 Boston Globe)

Oh and by the way.

Josh Beckett > C.C. Sabathia

Tom Brady is having full-on baby mama drama as his supermodel wife makes controversial comments in recent Vanity Fair interview. The Early Show with the details:

Bündchen reveals that she knows the boy, named John Edward Thomas Moynahan, has a mother and she respects that, but it doesn’t matter that Bündchen didn’t actually give birth to him, because Bündchen still feels like he’s her son.

In her own words, “To me, it’s not like, because somebody delivered him, that’s not my child — I feel like it is, 100 percent.”

Oh no she didn’t! Cue the impending baby mama beatdown as we wait with bated breath for Bridget to respond…

Ok fine. This is a stupid story. Who cares? It’s a good thing that she loves Tom’s kid, right? Sure, it is.

The real pressing concern is and will always be this… CHOOSE A DAMN BASEBALL TEAM, Tom! For the love of Josh Beckett and all this is holy, at least Lebron James has the decency to pick one team — sure, he picked Satan’s team — but at least he picked only one and is consistent with it. I’ve seen you make the right choice (Red Sox), the correct choice (Red Sox), the ONLY choice (Red Sox) before, so let’s keep that up and burn those others, k babe?

Thank you and good day, Sir. I said, good day!

Run ‘n Gun is quasi comical to watch. Run down the court, jack up a 3-point shot. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I’m not saying it’s a bad game plan for the Knicks – because it’s certainly helped them win more games – but it’s still amusing to watch sometimes. Q-Rich can play. I don’t like him, but he can play. He seemed to get the better of Paul Pierce last night. Not that it mattered. Nate Robinson is fun to watch. He had an impressive put-back last night. There was a missed shot and then little tiny Nate came flying out of nowhere for the jam (over my boyfriend. tsk tsk.) Rondo had a big game. Again. What a juggernaut. He scored a career high 26 points. Tommy Heinsohn had me ROTFL at one point because he got so pissed off about some physical play from the Knicks, that he actually put out a bounty on Nate Robinson! (First he said someone should lay out one of their “little guys” to send a message and then he said, “One of our guys should really deck Nate Robinson on the next play in retaliation [for shoving Rondo out of bounds to prevent a layup].”) Lol. Tommy’s hardcore, yo. In other news, Big Baby got in a car accident on the way to the Garden yesterday. Poor guy. Get well soon BB!

Celtics v. Bulls 126-108

The Bulls are a hot mess. They have some extremely talented players, but epitomize the mantra that it takes teamwork to win. They still don’t play together. Derrick Rose is impressive, but he’s still a rookie. I think in a year or two, they’re going to be a Hornets-esque team. Which means they’ll be good and a sexy pick, but still missing something that would get them over the hump.

Random musings

People seem surprised that the Pistons are struggling so much. Why is this surprising? I’m not a hater, but has Iverson ever made any team better? Also, if there’s any position that you can’t just “swap out,” it’s point guard, is it not? I’m not an expert on the Pistons, but they were always a team I liked and had a lot of respect for. I hated this trade when it happened and I still hate it.

Reports out today that Manny expects to be offered a 3-year deal from the Yankees. Manny expects? How does that work exactly?

Yesterday’s Patriots game was fun. What the hell was up with letting Leinart get a touchdown though? Come on now. Shutouts are so much more satisfying. The Jets lost (YES!) but the smelly Dolphins won (BOO!) so we still might not make the playoffs. Either way though, I’m happy with this season. It could’ve been better, but it really could’ve been so much worse. When Tom Brady went down in game one, I really thought we were toast. Who knew Matt Cassel was such a stud? I’ve been a USC football fan for years and even I barely had a line on this guy.

I miss Gino. The Celtics have been winning, but there’s been a decided lack of Gino on the jumbotron, at least from the home television vantage point. I want Gino!

Josh Beckett has to go see Dr. James Andrews. Nooooooooo!

Patriots v. Giants pre-season loss: I don’t watch any pre-season bullshrimp, but my mom is a little worried now. Personally, I don’t count any games where Tom Brady and Randy Moss aren’t on the field. I won’t begin any evaluation until the regular season starts. Besides, Belichick loves to mindfrack the league. He would love it if the rest of the teams got their hopes up.

Right now, I am watching a combination of the Sox/Yanks game, Law & Order and College Football Live on ESPN2. I know next to nothing about Byrd, so I have no idea what to think. Giambi’s mustache cracks me up. It’s taken on a life of it’s own, just like Manny’s dreads. Did I just see Fat Jack Nicholson in the pricey seats wearing a Yankees hat? Haha, that figures!

I’m excited to have the NFL coming back. Not as excited as if the NBA was back, but at least there will now be something on besides baseball. I love the Red Sox, but baseball is by far my least favorite sport to watch regularly. Also, with NBA/NFL there are other teams I’m interested in besides Celtics/Pats, but with baseball, I’m only interested in the Sox. I watched the Saints/Cardinals game last night aka Reggie/Matt. Reggie’s team beat Matt’s by quite a bit. Those preseason games are so meaningless though, it’s hard to get too jazzed either way.

So Manny is suddenly hitting homers again and running hard… It’s a MIRACLE! That little frackhead. Before we know it, he’s going to be in pinstripes high-fiving Johnny Damon. Well what do you know, I’m still a bitter Mannyhater. I think I’ll just embrace it…

Update: Sweet baby jesus. I’ve seen it all now. Boston.com reports that due to “Manny Mania” they’re going to start selling Dodgers hats out in LA with dreadlocks sewn into them… I know I should get over this one of these days and stop reporting on every stupid move Manny makes, but that would require me to become mature and de-bitter-ize myself and let’s face it, that ain’t happening. Speaking of bitterness, Eli Manning is on Sports Center right now hawking DirectTV. Even though I know he’s a good guy, I still want to punch him. *sigh* I have issues.

My day today started out super. The darling counter chick at Dunkin Donuts bitched me out because she got my order wrong. Yes, it was all MY fault she couldn’t wrap her mind around the difference between an ice coffee and a regular coffee on a 90+ degree day. It was clearly way out of line for me to expect her to correct it. I might’ve screamed “f–k you and your mother too” as I was peeling away from the drive-thru window. Homie don’t play on a sunny day, yo. <– I clearly missed my calling as a gangsta rapper.  I haven’t heard a rhyme this tight since…

The Red Sox managed to win a close one last night. Papelbon actually saved a game too. I’m thinking streak. Let’s do it! Hopefully the Rays continue to lose too. That would be most helpful. My theory on them is that they’re shooting their wad right now and will be burned out by the time we get to the playoffs. Well, that’s the plan on my end anyway. I didn’t actually watch last night’s game until the final inning. I have an attention span problem when it comes to baseball unless I really force myself to watch from beginning to end… oh and speaking of attention span problems, what’s this I hear about Manny not swinging at pitches during the game? What hell, you say? I prefer to think he was just daydreaming about ponies and forgot he was at the plate.

For the love of the kabbalah red string and all that is holy, would the braintrust at ESPN and all their various talking heads please PLEASE please stop qualifying themselves every time they want to say anything about Stray A-Rod. I’m so sick of hearing them tap dance around the fact that they’re reporting on gossip. They should either shut the frack up and not talk about it – if it really pains them so much — or they should just talk about it and not worry about how it makes them look. Personally, I don’t see ESPN as a bastion of impartiality in the first place, so what difference does it make?

Dear Brett Favre – MAKE UP YOUR FRACKING MIND! Thank you and good day sir. I said good day!

Oh and funny story.. We were driving today, coming back from getting ice cream, and we come up behind a mini-van with the Yankees symbol on the back and in unison we both went, “Ewwwww!” and then laughed. Then she told me to ram them or at least run them off the road. I think she was kidding.  That’s about all I can say about the Yankees though, since two of my best friends are card-carrying Yankees fans. I try to keep my hatred to a dull roar for their sake. Gosh… I am SUCH a good friend.

I watched the Boston Pops Fireworks extravaganza thing last night on the tube. Was it just me or was there a mushroom cloud of smoke in the sky the whole time? Maybe it was just the LCD tv. I finally got with the times and bought a big wide LCD tv. I probably should’ve saved a few more thousand and gone with plasma. LCD only looks good when you’re staring straight at it. I’m often lazily reclining so the picture ends up looking dark. I guess the solution is to stop being lazy and sit up and watch… But, nah.

Now that the game is over, I’m planning to watch the Law & Order: Criminal Intent marathon on USA until my eyes go crossed. Happy 4th of July weekend to all!