Nobody gives a rat’s ass if you quit Twitter. While we’re on the subject, stop deleting your Twitter and then changing your mind and creating a new one. That’s stupid. Assuming anyone cares about you enough to follow you twice, it’s still an extra step that you shouldn’t force your fans to take. If you say something on Twitter that makes you sound like a nitwit, just realize that you can never get it back. You must live with it being “out there” like all the times you drunk dialed celebrities more famous than you from Paris Hilton’s Sidekick. If you do decide to leave though, just go away quietly. Don’t put out a press release or in any way advertise your departure… and for the motherfreakin love of James Posey and all that is holy, don’t produce a rap video about it.

No, I wasn’t following Miley Cyrus on Twitter because I’m not 12 years old. But, her stupid “Here’s why I quit Twitter” YouTube rap video did inspire this post.

Oh, you think I’m just lecturing celebrities about their Twitter habits to avoid discussing the double tragedy that took place last Sunday? Ok fine, you would be right.

R.I.P. 2009 Red Sox season.

Patriots still have a chance to get their shit together though. Come on, Tom Brady. Chop chop mister!

Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out (and take all those horrid penny puns with you!)

Mom: Where the hell did this Henny Penny come from?
Me: I don’t know. Last I remember, he was pitching for some California team and dating Alyssa Milano.
Mom: That doesn’t narrow it down.

Ha. When you’re right, you’re right.

Adios, Brad. I hope.

He said, she said

Sounds like an episode of The Hills…
* This story has been baking a few days, but apparently Reggie Miller and Diana Von Furstenberg’s son, Alex are having some sort of public tiff over a babe. News and gossip sites report that Von Furstenberg hired a sky writer to call out Miller for texting his fiance. The banner read, “Reggie Miller stop pursuing married women.” A sky writer? Really? That’s so archaic. Everyone knows the only modern way to get back at someone flirting with your girl is to open a faux Twitter account impersonating them and then write things like, “I flrt w/other ppls chix cuz im a d-bag. Whuts gud?” So come on Alex, crawl out of the 16th century and get with the times. More on this soap opera: TMZ: Reggie Miller — I’m No Homewrecker, Just a Flirt

The ghost of old man Zimmer
* I didn’t watch last night’s Red Sox/Tigers game, but I knew something happened when I briefly perused my Twitter stream and people were squawking about Youk getting ejected. Then this morning, the radio honks were making fun of him, so I had to check it out for myself on YouTube. Upon watching it, I immediately had flashbacks of Pedro “gently guiding” Don Zimmer to the turf back in the good ole days. Aw, now those were some seriously good times. In this case though, come on now Youk… you’re three times that kid’s size, you look like the Incredible Hulk and you’ll be getting suspended anyway, you couldn’t have just laid him out? Tsk tsk tsk.

ps. It’s official. Leon has joined the Cavs. I will not belabor this any longer with yet another whiny post. Farewell, my love…

The Boston Globe reports:

The Celtics are expected to announce the signing of free agent forward Glen Davis to a contract, and have scheduled a press conference for 11:30 a.m. Monday.

Davis, a restricted free agent, agreed to a two-year contract during weekend negotiations.

What else is new?
* The Red Sox choked up a 4-game series to Satan’s spawn. I had no idea I was following so many damn Yankees fans on Twitter until this weekend. Most of them are pretty cool which makes it that much worse. Rotten bastards.  My mom tried to tell me the Sox were starting to suck about a month ago and I called her chicken little and told her to chill out. I hate it when she’s right! I blame Dice-K. No wait, J.D. Drew… Unless no – it’s Papi’s fault or that damn Bucholtz, no it’s… oh blah. 

Back like a bad penny
* Ben Wallace is returning to the Detroit Pistons for the veteran’s minimum. BDL’s Kelly Dwyer breaks it down…

Fast forward to yesterday when she was watching NESN and they announced Julio Lugo was being designated for assignment and she heard some of these comments from Theo Epstein:

“A sunk cost is a sunk cost. We’re sorry it didn’t work out better with Julio, obviously. But keeping him on the team wasn’t going to change that. Sometimes the best organizations admit their mistakes and they move on. And that’s what we’re doing here.

“This was one of the free agent signings that doesn’t work out. We were paying for past performance, not current performance. That’s the true definition of a mistake, and, as the decision-maker, that’s on me. We’ll just move on and be a better organization having gone through it, and we’ll make better decisions going forward.’’

Ouch.

I walk into the room and she says, “Can you believe they’re treating Julio this way? That is just downright awful!” I had to laugh at her changing her tune on a dime like that, but ultimately I have to agree with her. Did he work out the way the organization and fans expected? No, obviously not. But, I’m pretty sure he was trying and ultimately, I would rather have a guy try hard and suck, than act like a dumbass like Manny and succeed. Mmmm, that doesn’t sound right does it? Well, can’t we just have a happy medium? Oh well, either way, I think once you kick a guy off the team and run him out of town, it really isn’t necessary to flip the duck boat in reverse and back up over his carcass a few times. A little harsh Theo. A little harsh.

Related news:

• Boston.com: Seeing error of ways, Sox designate Lugo
• MLB.com: Lugo does not make trip to Toronto

 Excerpt from ESPN.com:

Josh Beckett’s suspension was reduced from six games to five on Sunday, allowing the Boston Red Sox ace to take his next turn in the rotation.

Beckett threw a pitch near the head of the Los Angeles Angels’ Bobby Abreu last Sunday, leading to both dugouts and bullpens emptying. The right-hander was suspended on Tuesday and immediately appealed the ruling.

With the Red Sox off Thursday, the new penalty allows Beckett to switch spots with Jon Lester and start Saturday. Lester is now scheduled to start the series opener against the New York Yankees on Friday.

Ainge told not to watch Celtics

 Excerpt from ESPN.com:

 Celtics GM Danny Ainge was released from Massachusetts Hospital on Sunday, two days after suffering a minor heart attack and having arterial surgery, the Boston Herald reported.

Ainge will not likely attend Game 2 of the Celtics series against the Chicago Bulls on Monday, the Herald reported. Doctors had advised Ainge not to watch the game.

> ‘Shocked’ Beckett will appeal suspension
Sox pitcher Josh Beckett has been suspended for six games and fined by MLB, which determined he intentionally threw a pitch near the head of the Angels’ Bobby Abreu on Sunday. (Excerpt from boston.com)

> Ray Allen suspended tonight
Celtics guard Ray Allen has been suspended one game without pay for elbowing Cleveland Cavaliers forward Anderson Varejao in the groin, it was announced today. (Excerpt from boston.com)

> Donny Marshall on Celtics Pregame Live: “I really think Ray should’ve got him a little bit harder if you’re going to get suspended. I’ll have to talk to Ray about that later. You’ve got to make it really count.”

More Celtics news in the blogosphere:

• CelticsBlog: KG Will Be Ready, I Think, Maybe
• Red’s Army: Ray Allen Suspended Tonight
• Celtics 17: Allen Suspended… Just For a Game Though
• CSNNE Celtics Blog: A Useful Refresher Course on P.J. Brown

Beckett’s fastball, from the first inning to the seventh, hummed in the mid-90s, topping out at 96 miles per hour, a velocity he reached on his first pitch. He sprinkled in the changeup that he honed during spring training and buckled Rays batters with his curveball.

Of all the ways to measure Beckett’s dominance, the best might be this: He did not allow a hit from the windup. Against the 18 batters he faced with no one on base, Beckett struck out nine and walked two. (Excerpt from: Beckett comeback gets off to a great start, 4/8/09 Boston Globe)

Oh and by the way.

Josh Beckett > C.C. Sabathia

Tom Brady is having full-on baby mama drama as his supermodel wife makes controversial comments in recent Vanity Fair interview. The Early Show with the details:

Bündchen reveals that she knows the boy, named John Edward Thomas Moynahan, has a mother and she respects that, but it doesn’t matter that Bündchen didn’t actually give birth to him, because Bündchen still feels like he’s her son.

In her own words, “To me, it’s not like, because somebody delivered him, that’s not my child — I feel like it is, 100 percent.”

Oh no she didn’t! Cue the impending baby mama beatdown as we wait with bated breath for Bridget to respond…

Ok fine. This is a stupid story. Who cares? It’s a good thing that she loves Tom’s kid, right? Sure, it is.

The real pressing concern is and will always be this… CHOOSE A DAMN BASEBALL TEAM, Tom! For the love of Josh Beckett and all this is holy, at least Lebron James has the decency to pick one team — sure, he picked Satan’s team — but at least he picked only one and is consistent with it. I’ve seen you make the right choice (Red Sox), the correct choice (Red Sox), the ONLY choice (Red Sox) before, so let’s keep that up and burn those others, k babe?

Thank you and good day, Sir. I said, good day!

When Manny Ramirez reported for Dodgers duty he tried to explain to us why he was so happy to be out of there.

He said he was “suffocating” in Boston, the city and everyone in it relentless in their over-the-top devotion to things that really don’t matter. I’d rather read a Dwyre tennis column than anything written by Boston’s ponderous and self-important sports columnists.

And just imagine living in a place where everyone talks funny and all they want to do is talk, talk, talk about what they think.

Around L.A. we didn’t much care what happened in Boston, but while Manny began to fit in here, the bitter no-lifers back there handled the divorce the way they do most everything else.

They obsessed. And they continue to obsess.

[From: Boston won't give up its obsession with Manny Ramirez, by T.J. Simers, Los Angeles Times]

He’s right. I am obsessed. I often wonder why I can’t let go of Manny. He was never my favorite player. Why should I act like we were married for ten years and he left me for a younger woman? The simple answer is, he was a huge douchebag. He didn’t care about the team, didn’t care about the fans and didn’t care about the city. He only cared about making the maximum amount of money he could get because he thought he was owed that. Like a spoiled celebrity, he eventually got to the point where he felt entitled to act any way he wanted. I don’t know about the Dodgers or their fans, but in Boston, we expect our players to play with passion and care about winning. I don’t know any professional athlete who thinks it’s ok to dog it.

Do Simers and his ilk really think it should be so easy for Boston fans to forgive and forget?

Never. Until my dying breath, I will hope and pray that Manny fails. I hope he never hits another home run, never collects another $45 million dollar paycheck, never gets another autograph request and is never given the opportunity to give another cutesy oddball quote to the press. Yeah, it’s like that. And do you know who you are Manny-loving Dodgers fans? You’re the 2nd wife that thinks it’s going to be different with her. You think he’s going to appreciate you and love you, but he’s really just biding his time with you until a better situation comes along. Right around the end of this season in fact.

That’s when I’ll say, I told you so.

Manny wants to be a Yankee and mark my words, someday, that’s exactly what he’ll be. Another good reason to hate him. Come to think of it.