nba musings

If you can’t believe a boozed out bisexual internet phenom, who can you believe?
* Depending on who you believe, Tila Tequila was either choked out and unlawfully restrained by “boyfriend,” Shawne Merriman – or – respectfully detained by an “acquaintance” only interested in keeping her from driving while intoxicated. More on this tawdry tale… Shawne Merriman’s lawyer: LB was seeking ride for ‘extremely intoxicated’ Tila Tequila | NFL’s Merriman accused of choking girlfriend Tila Tequila

Slick Rick
* Rick Fox is joining Melrose Place. And the jokes will clearly just write themselves.

He said, he said
* While I was away from blogdom and Twitterdom, there was a sad and tragic breakup! Ashton & Demi? No, worse! Steph and Mooncricket!! Noooooo! What the heck happened? I can only imagine. Amusingly though, the two decided to take to their respective Twitters to air it out. From what I can gather, Mooncricket got pissed about something and left casa de Starbury. Steph then implored him to come back or at least pick up the phone and call him. Alas though, it appears to be over. Oh the humanity!

Beckett bites the big one (No! I will NOT say, “pause.” That is stupid. STUPID!, I say.)
* My boyfriend, Josh Beckett, appears to be in the midst of a tragic slump. I tried to watch today’s game (CWS 5, BOS 1), but just couldn’t do it. The Josh Beckett that I know and love, rips opposing hitters’ hearts out, throws them to the ground and spits on them. I don’t want to remember him any other way.

A watched kettle finally boils
* Finally! Marquis Daniels signs on the dotted line. I like what I’m hearing from him so far: “Not many people get a chance to play with Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Rasheed Wallace. It’s a good opportunity and I’ll worry about the money later. Right now we have to worry about one thing, and that’s winning the championship this season.” Sounds like a smart guy to me. Now, lets get this season started! I’m tired of waiting. This off-season has been WAY TOO LONG! More from Boston.com: Celtics get their man

ps. Brad Penny sucks weenies
* Don’t you just love it when a guy loses games for you all season long, then gets released and pitches gems for their new team? You don’t? Yeah, me either. Suck it, Brad Penny!!

^ I won’t miss these god awful puns… at all! ^

Say it ain’t so, Ocho
* He’ll be back. Like a moth to the flame…

I’m serious. We’re mean. We’ll decapitate and disembowel a mutha.

> ‘Shocked’ Beckett will appeal suspension
Sox pitcher Josh Beckett has been suspended for six games and fined by MLB, which determined he intentionally threw a pitch near the head of the Angels’ Bobby Abreu on Sunday. (Excerpt from boston.com)

> Ray Allen suspended tonight
Celtics guard Ray Allen has been suspended one game without pay for elbowing Cleveland Cavaliers forward Anderson Varejao in the groin, it was announced today. (Excerpt from boston.com)

> Donny Marshall on Celtics Pregame Live: “I really think Ray should’ve got him a little bit harder if you’re going to get suspended. I’ll have to talk to Ray about that later. You’ve got to make it really count.”

More Celtics news in the blogosphere:

• CelticsBlog: KG Will Be Ready, I Think, Maybe
• Red’s Army: Ray Allen Suspended Tonight
• Celtics 17: Allen Suspended… Just For a Game Though
• CSNNE Celtics Blog: A Useful Refresher Course on P.J. Brown

Is there really anything better than opening day at Fenway? How about those Red Sox, huh? Looking damn good right out of the gate. Especially the assassin on the mound, Josh Beckett.

Beckett’s fastball, from the first inning to the seventh, hummed in the mid-90s, topping out at 96 miles per hour, a velocity he reached on his first pitch. He sprinkled in the changeup that he honed during spring training and buckled Rays batters with his curveball.

Of all the ways to measure Beckett’s dominance, the best might be this: He did not allow a hit from the windup. Against the 18 batters he faced with no one on base, Beckett struck out nine and walked two. (Excerpt from: Beckett comeback gets off to a great start, 4/8/09 Boston Globe)

Oh and by the way.

Josh Beckett > C.C. Sabathia

Wow! I was exhausted last night and went to bed at 10pm. When I woke up this morning, my first thought was, “Well… The Red Sox had a pretty good run. I guess they ran out of gas.” Turned on ESPN2 to watch Mike & Mike and saw the score at the bottom of the screen and sat straight up and said, “Wha wha WHAT?” How the holy hairy hell did they win this game??? Since then, of course, I’ve seen all the replays a hundred times. Still can’t believe it though. Don’t count out the Red Sox! Ever! Whoo hoo!

So there’s still a chance. Come on Josh Beckett!

A few thoughts on a Friday night…

• Have I been smoking what Mario Chalmers & Darrell Arthur deny they’re puffing on or did Chad Johnson really change his motherfracking last name to Ocho Cinco? Who does that? Can you imagine Tom Brady announcing that he’ll now be referred to as “Tom Uno Dos”? No, because he isn’t batshrimp crazy… but somehow Chad gets a pass because it’s just “Chad being Chad”. Actually, I don’t care because I like Chad. He’s an attention-whore, but at least he’s not boring.
• Josh Beckett is back BABY! Stone cold assassin on the mound is back in business. Look out bitches!
• I might have to start calling Jason Bay and Jed Lowrie “Mary-Kate and Ashley” because I can’t tell them apart.
• They just panned the crowd in Texas and I can’t believe how many Red Sox fans are there. Looks like Baltimore. Red Sox Nation represents.
• How Okajima can turn an 8-0 game into a nailbiter is beyond me, but he manages it.
• I am not fluent in nerd, so this is new to me… apparently “frak” is a faux curse from Battlestar Galactica. I can assure you that my faux curse - ”frack” – is a completely different word all together. Notice the “c”.

Hey Red Sox, what’s up with the whole winning the first two games and losing the last one thing? Are you allergic to housework and can’t find the broom? Sheesh. Clearly you don’t understand how greedy I am.

Also, Dustin Pedroia, when did you turn into Joe DiMaggio? Wow. Little Dustin Pedroia. Who knew? It was hilarious when White Sox Manager whats-his-face said that he wasn’t afraid of Big Papi anymore, he was more afraid of Dustin Pedroia. Damn. Kudos, kid.

Good news about [my boyfriend] Josh Beckett! The MRI was negative. Phew! Praise jellybellys!

Wow. Talk about a buzzkill. Game 2, the Red Sox literally slaughter the Yankees 11-3. Right in front of Fat Jack, no less. That was good times. Then in game 3, Jon Lester pitches a fan-fracking-tastic game and it looks like a sweep is imminent and what happens? Wha wha what? The bullpen (I shall not throw him by name under the bus – I’m a peach like that) blows monkeyballs letting Giambi win the game for the Yankees. Talk about going from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. It’s like winning a million games in the regular season and then losing the Superbowl. Stop the insanity. And no, I’m not just glad to have won the series 2-1. We should’ve put the nail in the coffin and swept the joint. That is the only thing that would’ve made me happy. Ok fine, I’m spoiled.

Josh Beckett has to go see Dr. James Andrews. Nooooooooo!

Patriots v. Giants pre-season loss: I don’t watch any pre-season bullshrimp, but my mom is a little worried now. Personally, I don’t count any games where Tom Brady and Randy Moss aren’t on the field. I won’t begin any evaluation until the regular season starts. Besides, Belichick loves to mindfrack the league. He would love it if the rest of the teams got their hopes up.

I apparently missed an epic Red Sox game today. Thank goodness NESN is re-airing it tonight. It is a little weird though, watching a game that you know the outcome of already. I’m suffering from a serious lack of suspense here. I’m happy to suffer though, since it means I already know they score 18 fracking runs!

I don’t know if I addressed it in my About page ramblings, but I like to wink a lot. Like an annoying amount. Practically everything I write online, I feel the need to accompany with a wink. Nothing to be alarmed about.  Feel free to ignore them.   

In NBA free agency news, Elton Brand is heading to Philly, Corey Maggette to Golden State and apparently Michael Peitrus is heading to Orlando. Wait. What? Wha wha what? This means the Orlando fracking Tragic Magic have SIX shooting guards. They already had four (Maurice Evans – starter, Keith Bogans, Keyon Dooling, and J.J. Redick – backups). Then they drafted Courtney Lee in the first round. Now, they’re spending almost their entire mid-level exception on Michael Pietrus from GSW. They must have a trade or two up their sleeves because they’re desperate for a starting backup point guard and also really need a solid power forward. Still though. SIX shooting guards. Sweet mother of god.

I spent last weekend in a blissful Red Sox coma. I was super exhausted and couldn’t muster up the energy to do anything more taxing than lying on the couch with the dogs watching the Sox play the Astros. I could’ve done without the two losses in a row, but such is life. For the love of manny being manny and all that is holy though, could someone please manage a few more hits when my-boyfriend-Josh-Beckett is pitching? The piddly offense is hurting his stats. [Oh and by the way, calling him that is just a bad habit I got into a few years ago. I promise I'm not one of those freaky chicks who signs up for message boards under monikers like, "Mrs_Jeter" and "TomBradys-Lady." *shiver*]

Speaking of Manny Being Manny, what’s this hubbub about Manny going diva and shoving staffers around over game tickets? Gah. I was just starting to find him completely charming again and he has go and do something crummy. Allegedly. *wink* I put Manny and Paul Pierce into the same category in terms of Boston sports figures and how I feel about them. I want to like them, but sometimes they say or do things that are hard to dismiss.

Red Sox play the Rays tonight. My mother continues to insist on calling them the Devil Rays despite multiple corrections from me. I have finally given up. Why do I give a shit what she calls them, they suck. And by suck, I mean they’re disturbingly good and that sucks.

Oh Josh Beckett, how I love thee… He looks so funny with a bat in his hands. I forgot we were interleague-ing it today and thought I was seeing things. The first time up, he wasn’t really trying all that hard and started to walk off after strike two. They had to call him back to the plate. Then he hit it right to the pitcher. The next time up, he bunted it right to the pitcher. Earlier the Sox hit a bunch of homers off Homer Bailey and now they’re up 9-zip. Is it just me or is that park really easy to hit home runs in? It isn’t every day that Coco Crisp hits home runs two games in a row. No offense to Coco, but this must be the shallowest park ever.

So tonight’s the night… we make history… honey you and I. Well, maybe. I guess we’ll find out if Kobe Bryant really can “take over any time I want” or if KG’s “we not me” philosophy will win out. It was interesting this morning watching the pre-game coverage on ESPN. Bill Walton made a comment about how Kobe and Phil Jackson blame the rest of the team and constantly say they’re not good enough and how that must negatively effect their psyches. I couldn’t agree more. Bill & I are pretty decent arm chair shrinks if you ask me…