Paul Pierce married his longtime galpal in Cali on Saturday. Here’s the important part:
The wedding cake included layers of chocolate, coconut and red velvet, and the bride and groom’s first dance was to R. Kelly’s “You Made Me Love You.”
That cake sounds YUMMY! 
Source: KansasCity.com – Paul Pierce gets married
I got my bi-annual notice from the Paul Pierce fan club
that there’s new swag! Shwing-a-ling-a-ling…
http://paulpierce.spreadshirt.com/
I’m so bored. Is this what my evenings are going to be like without the NBA? Mindless Internet surfing and Twitter feed perusing? Wait, that’s what I do all the time anyway. It’s just that usually the NBA is on the TV in my left eye’s periphery and not an all day Monk marathon. Anyway, here is what
the muse™ has been noodling on tonight…
Just when you think T.J. Simers is the biggest dipshit columnist in L.A.
It’s since been removed, but L.A. Times columnist Ted Green (some no-name guy getting lots and lots of free publicity today) wrote a seemingly benign column about all the reasons Laker fans should hate the Celtics (like they need a list? Really? The 2008 ass kicking wasn’t reason enough for people?) until the part where he made fun of Paul Pierce getting stabbed. Yes, that’s right… getting stabbed is funny! Sigh. Dumbass. [NESN: Los Angeles Times Writer Jokes About Paul Pierce's Stabbing]
I’m sorry, but Perk is adorable
This is a non-story really, but I don’t care what Perk thinks… He’s cute as a button. [Ball Don't Lie: Kendrick Perkins is ugly, according to Kendrick Perkins]
Revenge is a dish best served lukewarm
If you follow Matt Barnes on Twitter (and if you’re not, you should be — he’s not big on censoring himself and it’s fabulous) then you know that he’s been simmering like a tea kettle for the last couple of months over some beef with the ladies of VH-1′s Basketball Wives. Well, I guess the pot finally boiled over:
Seasons over I’m waitn 4 one of u bball groupies 2 say sumthen NOW!! No 1 would know any of u if u kept ur legs closed. B EZ tricks!!!
Hmmm, that’s it? That’s the big truth he threatened to divulge about these women after the season was over — that he thinks they’re groupie whores? Gosh Matt, why don’t you just tell me that you think the sky is blue while you’re at it? It would be equally news breaking. [James Poling: Matt Barnes Challenges Groupies and Tricks on Twitter to Keep Their Legs Closed]
Credit: YouTube/espnforsberg
Last night was epic. There were so many outstanding moments that I just have to document them so I can check back on this post a year from now and chuckle again. Without further ado, here are the highlights:
1. Pre-draft lottery drawing, New Jersey Nets owner announces intention to burglarize New York:
Zee? It vill be zimple. (Also, I decided dude’s name was too hard to spell, so I’ve dubbed him “Pornocough.”)
2. During draft lottery, Danny Granger makes it clear that he lacks a poker face:
Credit: Image from the amazing @jose3030′s Twitpic gallery
I couldn’t find a clip on YouTube showing Granger’s reaction when the Pacers pick was selected, but it was awesome. He carried on like he just found out he was going to have to eat nothing but turd sandwiches for the rest of his life.
For more lottery fun, check out Doc Funk’s Draft Lottery Captions…
3. During the game, this happens:
[There was a YouTube video here of Paul Pierce getting decked during the game. The man must've put the kibosh on the video due to copyright issues.]
Cue the wheelchair jokes on Twitter! So original.
4. Not exactly malice at the palace, but… NBA referee scraps with fan:
5. Dwight tries to plead his case to Stan, who has a classic reaction to it:
Credit: Another @jose3030 masterpiece. Click pic to see the hi quality GIF.
6. Post-game interview, The Truth gives the fans a little wink:
Paul Pierce, you sexy bastard, getting all winky. *wolf whistle* 
7. Then tweets a bunch of shit via telepathy and reporters pass it on to Dwight Howard as fact:
Ok, I get that he got bad information and was thrown off-guard by the supposed diss, but still… It’s only two games, huh? You mean the first two? On your home court? Those two? Well, Superman wears Paul Pierce pajamas. Zing! 
I’m sure there were more great moments that I can’t remember right now. If I think of them, I’ll update the post. But, all in all last night has to be one of my favorite NBA nights of this or any season. Well, maybe not as great as transcribing Steph’s crazy rantings for 14-15 hours straight… what could top that?
Listen to Barkley dissing my boy, Paul Pierce! Bitch, please.
ps. But, he redeemed himself a little when he said the Celtics are the greatest NBA franchise ever… Better than the Lakers (said that part twice).
Celtics 95, Cavs 89
Where to start, where to start… Well, first of all, HELL TO THE YEAH! I’m not gonna lie. I wanted this win bad. Probably more than I should have, in fact. It’s only the first game of the season and I really should pace myself. I think the reason I wanted the Celtics to win this game so badly was because I still had that horrible image in my mind of that game last season with LeBron, Delonte and company clowning around on the bench during a blowout against the Cs in the Q. I was also quite sure if I saw or heard Rick Astley, I was going to throw the remote control so hard through the TV, it was going to land in Timbuktu. I really like my TV, so phew… dodged a bullet on that one.
The game started out rough. The “Celtics look old” and “It’s going to be a long season, Boston” tweets were making me want to cut a bitch. The piss poor defense was giving me Nam flashbacks of the brutal Christmas season stretch last season when they lost all those games out in Cali. And then. And then… and THEN — They crawled back up out of that hole and clawed their way into the game. It started with the bench and then like RIT on a crisp white t-shirt, it seeped its way through the whole team and suddenly the Celtics not only caught up, but had the lead and never looked back.
Make no mistake, LeBron looked phenomenal on the defense end. He was holding a block party and the Celtics were helpless to stop it. Whether it was a speedy gonzalez Rondo layup or a finesse-style (slowish) Ray Allen layup, LeBron was there and having none of it. I’m not a LeBron fan, but it was impossible to watch those plays and not appreciate their beauty. On the offense though, he took too many low percentage shots. When he makes them, he looks great, but he didn’t make enough of them. Yes, I know the box score disagrees with me, but I don’t care. I stand by that statement. I think he takes too many long bombs and doesn’t trust his teammates enough. Bottom line, the Cavs just have a lot of work to do to be a championship-caliber team. Shaq looked like old Shaq in the first quarter, but after that, not so much. I’m not buying the “things would have been different if Delonte had played” excuse either. Maybe, things would have been different if Glen Davis had been there too. So what? Yes, I realize Delonte is their starting 2 guard and BBD is a luxury backup for us, but still… If we can’t blame KG being out for losing Game 7 in the playoffs to Orlando, then Cleveland can’t use this excuse here. It’s weak sauce.
This was a great win and I’m happy about it, but this game left me with plenty of questions about the Celtics and the kind of work they need to do to return to championship form too.
ps. Shout out to my boy, Craig Sager. I’ve missed you boo.
The Truth isn’t even in the top 15?
* Ok, normally I really don’t pay attention to lists. Especially subjective ones where I know I’m not going to agree with much. But, come on SLAM, Paul Pierce is only one notch above Derrick Rose? I can’t accept that. No, I will not accept that. Assuming that either Kobe or LeBron is named #1, you have to ask yourself who plays those two guys as tough as (or tougher than) anyone out there? The answer is clear and finite, Paul mother-effing-truth Pierce. How is Pierce still this underrated? I don’t get it. [SLAM: Top 50: Paul Pierce, no. 17]*
Brett Favre is the Tim Tebow of the NFL
* I am now getting an inkling of what it must have been like for non-Patriots fans in 2007 — having to hear about the godlike qualities of Tom Brady’s offensive prowess ad nausem. The sickening degree to which ESPN lavishes attention on certain storylines has gotten completely out of hand. It was always bad, but I do believe the “Favre joins enemy & faces old team” has taken the cake. Are there really people out there — outside of Minnesota & Wisconsin — who want this much coverage? Wait, don’t answer that. I don’t care. Just SHUT IT ESPN! [ESPN: We heart Favre!]
LeBron thinks everyone is jealous of him
* So, the story apparently goes that one of LeBron’s buddies got into a argument with Browns wide receiver, Braylon Edwards and Edwards ended up punching the guy. LeBron defended his friend by called Edwards “childish” and said punching his petite friend was akin to punching one of his children (Remind me to warn my friends to never defend me this way, will ya?). Note to LeBron: I’m sure everyone is jealous of you. But, it’s just not something you say out loud without sounding like a douchenozzle. [USA Today: LeBron James: Braylon Edwards motivated by jealousy in alleged assault]
*Yes, I realize every homer fan is probably bitching about one of their players being too low on the list. What-ev.
…and is there a 12-step program for attention addiction?
* Just when I find myself able to slowly back away from the addictive crack that is Starbury TV, Chad Ocho Cinco has to come along and create a channel on Ustream. Noooooo! I watched a little of “The Ocho Cinco Show” earlier tonight just to see what it was all about. I figured there would be a lot of haterade in the chat room and Chad would be screaming at people to show him their number 1s and refrain from boxing him up UPS-style. It ended up being surprisingly tame, with him brushing most negative comments off and showing off his cigar collection. He did say one startling thing though. He had to leave for dinner and said that when he comes back, he’ll stay up all night and answer questions. Uh oh! I’ve read this script before and it ends with a lot of Drake, crying and petroleum jelly. Not good, not good. Either way folks, just remember… narcissists who crave attention are people too.
Chad shows off his favorite cigars…
You think I didn’t check on Steph? You been eatin’ Vaseline?
* Of course, when I got home from work tonight, I had to check in on my boy Steph on Starbury TV. I watched for a few minutes while he danced frenetically to the now ubiquitous, Diamond Girl, until he started unbuckling his pants and threatened to pull them down. Um yeah, no thank you. I honestly am hoping that some night soon, I’m going to check and that page on Justin.tv will be gone. As “entertaining” as this has been during what might have been a very long and dull off-season, I’d like to see him get some professional help. J.A. Adande wrote a nice piece on the subject that I’ve linked to below.
They tried to put me in a box…
What’s good around the blogosphere:
Off-season? What Off-season?
* Nat from Heels on Hardwood breaks down all the latest “off-season” goings-on: The NBA – Where 365 Days Of Entertainment Happens
Step by Step? Bitch, please
* On his Both Teams Played Hard blog, Jared Wade uncovers an alarming lack of sitcom theme song awareness in Orlando in: Not a Lot of Dave Coulier Fans in Orlando
Hmmm, turtles doing the boinky boink or a tribute post to Paul Pierce? Tough call
* My favorite Red’s Army post to date. A very nice tribute to Paul Pierce and his legacy as a Celtic in: Paul Pierce: The last great Celtic
Speaking of Red’s Army…
* Graham Brunell from Celtics 17 interviewed the guys who run the Red’s Army blog in: Interview With John Karalis and Chuck McKenney Of Red’s Army
What’s good around the mainstream:
Love is love, Daddy!
* In a piece for ESPN, J.A. Adande weighs in on Starbury TV in: Streaming Steph is a sad, sad show
Old news, but it still cracks me up. I’m late reacting to this because I wasn’t actually on Twitter on the 17th to see it. I read about it on the 18th on BDL. I was covertly perusing NBA blogs in my RSS reader at work when this little gem caught my eye. I literally laughed out loud and then had to explain myself to someone passing by. I’m not sure why, but I was actually surprised by how blunt and snarky the message was. I wouldn’t have been surprised at all if it had come from Shaq, but I didn’t realize Pierce was so… honest. 
ps. I can’t read this without wanting to cross out “rotweiler” and pencil in “rottweiler”.
