Stop me if you’ve heard this one before
* Brett Favre is retiring, peeps! Yank, yank… There’s a reason I have a blog category called “retire already” and that’s because Brett Favre should just shut his yap and retire already. Or not. I don’t give a shit anymore.

The Big Chowderhead to sign with Boston?
* Scuttlebutt says the Big Shamrechaun (what happens when you throw Shamrock and Leprechaun into the Bennifer nickname generator) will sign with Boston on a 2-year deal. I don’t think it’s a bad signing, but it will definitely be weird as hell seeing Shaq in green. He was a Laker for pete’s sake. Is this even legal? Hurry back, Perk! (It will be funny to see Shaq Daddy & Baby Shaq playing together though…)

LeBron continues to prove he’s a classy bastard
* Took my car into the shop this morning and spent a good half hour trying to get enough signal strength to read my Twitter feed and when I finally get it to load, what do I see? ‘LeBron’s thanks Akron, not Cleveland, in ad’. Wow. Just when you think LeBron is done making senseless PR gaffes, he proves he’s not finished, not by a long shot. He’s like a walking, talking cliche from that old Chris Rock skit… “Terry Armstrong’s gonna do, what Terry Armstrong’s gonna do.” LRMR is supposed to be a brand management company, no? Did they get their marketing degrees off of the inside of matchbook covers?

Not sure what LeBron is going for lately with the beard either. *shiver* Click through the pic if you want to see the original post — and if you like Arbor Mist.

Nah, just kidding. That attention whore is getting enough press.

Let’s enjoy this beautiful picture of James Posey circa 2008 instead…

Shwing!

ps. I can’t decide who’s the bigger douchebag this free agency between LeBron and Bosh. I guess it’s probably the guy that’s dedicating an hour-long special to himself, but Bosh is running a very close second. Lame. That’s the best description of him to me. Lame. Like the geek hanging around the popular kids who can’t help calling attention to it… “Look everyone, I’m popular! Can you believe I’m so popular? My phone is blowing up! Because I’m popular! Look! Look! Look!”

Sigh… I wish I wasn’t compelled to look.

Then last night, this:

Which is one step away from wearing your own lordly initials on your grampy sweater:

Or a jumbled slogan sweater:

So in conclusion, whether you’re pimping another designer or yourself — just say no.

Thursday just can’t get here soon enough. I’m watching the WNBA for God’s sake. Sorry, that sounds sexist against my own gender doesn’t it? Sigh. Anyway, here is what

The greatest breakdown of the 2010 NBA Free Agent Summit you will ever see
The always hilarious Doc Funk unveils the real pow-wow taking place between this off-season’s most coveted free agents. The Bosh cameos will have you ROTFL. [Brain on Funk: 2010 NBA Free Agent Summit]

Phil Jackson is dating a mysterious “Buzz”
My mom cracks me up. I’m convinced that if she was consistently funny enough, I’d have a million Twitter followers and my own book & sitcom. Alas, her pearls are generally few and far between, but they still slay me. Tonight she asked me, “Who is this Buzz they’re saying Phil Jackson is dating?” And I say, “Jeanie Buss?” And she’s all like, “Hmmm. No. They said Buzz.” Ok, now that I actually write it down it isn’t so funny. But, at the time… Big chuckles.

Speaking of the Jedi Mind Tricker
Everyone seems to be buzzing (no pun intended*) today about Phil Jackson playing his usual mind games — this time with the Celtics. I’m not exactly sure why any of what he said (basically that the Celtics have a smackdown mentality) qualifies as a mind game. He’s saying something anyone who watches the NBA already knows — including all of the NBA refs. This type of mind game will certainly work of course, if the point of the mind game is to hypnotize your opponent with the obvious. [Boston Globe: Jackson's mind tricks]

Lamar expecting a Baby Ruth? (<– candy pun)
Radar Online reports that Khlodom has a bun in the oven. [Radar Online: Khloe Kardashian 2 Months Pregnant]

What’s-his-face flirts with Cleveland
Tongues are wagging over King Crabdribble reportedly telling Larry King that the Cavaliers have the edge in signing him. Sweet Jesus, he’s a tease. I bet he has the ole Lebron-O-Meter bookmarked, just for giggles. [Fanhouse: LeBron James to Larry King: Cavs 'Have an Edge']

*Or was that pun intended? /jedi-mind-tricked

Ding dong, the witch is dead!

Celtics 94, Cavs 85 (Celtics in 6)

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Recommended links:

• @KWAPT via @JSKCknit Twitpic: Gone fishin’ 1
• @jose3030 Twitpic: Gone fishin’ 2
• RedsArmy.com: ESPN, WRONG x 10
• Basketbawful: Worst of the Playoff Night: The “LeGone” edition
• @docfunk: Cavs v Celtics – Game 6

ps.