http://www.nba.com/live1/

8:52pm – Some douchebag DJ is running around the stage screaming at the fans to make sure they cheer loud enough for the God’s Gifts to Basketball when they come out. Reminding me a little of someone who once screamed at the fans to show him their ones *cough Starbury cough*.

8:55pm – Back to the Summer of 2010 logo and we’re listening to Black Eyed Peas. Fuck you, NBA.

8:58pm – Gordon Gekko is in da building! (They showed Arison and Spoelstra too, but who really cares about them.)

9:00pm – Aaaaand, back to the spinning Summer of 2010 logo.

9:01pm – Ok, crowd footage again and they fired up the AC/DC (You Shook Me All Night Long)…. HAHAHAHA! I knew they were taking a page out of the Iron Man 2 handbook.

9:04pm – Bron highlights, followed by Bosh highlights, followed by Wade highlights

9:05pm – Holy fucking hell…

Soundtrack: Simon Says (Get The Fuck Up)

Soundtrack: How you like me now?

9:13pm – Keys to the city presentation

9:15pm – Beat L.A. chants start. HAHAHA.

9:17pm – LeBron is asked how it feels to be wearing a Heat uniform. LeBron (after soaking up the cheers from the crowd): It feels right.

9:19pm – Host: It’s Wade’s HOUSE, LeBron’s KINGDOM and Bosh’s PIT, baby! [...]  This is a solid gold trio, baby!

9:22pm – Host asks the guys to speak a little Spanish for the fans and it’s giggles all around.

9:25pm – Host: We also know.. you three Kings came down here to win championships. LeBron pipes up and promises they’re going to win approximately 6 bazillion championships. Wade says they’re arguably the best trio ever. (Uh yes, we can argue that one. Every other legitimate best trio ever just rolled over in their graves.)

Bron might be a little giddy, eh?

9:28pm – Bosh yammers on about winning, etc.. but who cares what he says.

9:30pm – Cue the confetti, smoke, handshakes with the DJ and that’s a wrap….

Soundtrack: I Gotta Feeling

10:22pm – Press conference finally starts.

10:24pm – LeBron is asked about reaction to Gilbert’s letter. He says he has no reaction and that Gilbert’s words don’t stop him from sleeping at night and make him more powerful.

10:28pm – (LeBron) Said Riley influenced him because the organization is a family… And that the idea of “us all-stars, us superstars – teaming up” was a draw.

10:31pm – They’re asked how much they signed for. LeBron insists that what they signed for is not important.

10:32pm – Wade is asked about Haslem. Says he wants him back.

10:33pm – Technical failure.

10:36pm – LeBron’s talking about how successful they’re all going to be now because they won’t have the pressure of having to take and make every shot every night.

10:38pm – Bosh discusses embracing social media and having fun with it because at the end of the day they’re just playing basketball.

10:39pm – Wade talks about the criticism they’re getting for joining up in their prime (LeBron cut in and said they’re getting criticized no matter what they do.)

10:40pm – Technical failure again.

(Switched from NBA.com to ESPN News)

10:48pm – LeBron addresses haters Stan Van Gundy, Otis Smith, Joakim Noah, etc. and being called “Team Hollywood.” Basically says he’ll deal with them in due time. “I’m gonna have a lot of stuff in my locker… It’s on.”

10:49pm – D-Wade says, “We’re competitive. Bring it on.”

10:50pm – Bosh says, “I like Hollywood.”

10:51pm – On who’s taking the last shot. Wade: “Coach. Coach is making that decision.” And says that it might not be Six, Three, One taking that shot. It might be someone else.

10:55pm – LeBron recounts again his mother telling him it was ok to go to Miami. Said he felt comfortable once she gave him the green light. (I guess you can blame Gloria, Cleveland) Said after reading his former owner’s comments, that he knew made the right decision.

(NBA.com is still showing color bars and ESPN News cut away from the presser. So, I guess I’m done too. All in all, this wasn’t nearly as fun to cover as the Marburython. LeBron isn’t even close to being as interesting as Stephon Marbury. THEY TRIED TO PUT ME IN A BOX! Sigh… Those were the days.)

ps. If you missed the intro, I uploaded it to YouTube (low res):

Source: Youtube/deefnasty

Credit: YouTube/espnforsberg

1. Pre-draft lottery drawing, New Jersey Nets owner announces intention to burglarize New York:

Zee? It vill be zimple. (Also, I decided dude’s name was too hard to spell, so I’ve dubbed him “Pornocough.”)

2. During draft lottery, Danny Granger makes it clear that he lacks a poker face:

Credit: Image from the amazing @jose3030′s Twitpic gallery

I couldn’t find a clip on YouTube showing Granger’s reaction when the Pacers pick was selected, but it was awesome. He carried on like he just found out he was going to have to eat nothing but turd sandwiches for the rest of his life.

For more lottery fun, check out Doc Funk’s Draft Lottery Captions…

3. During the game, this happens:

[There was a YouTube video here of Paul Pierce getting decked during the game. The man must've put the kibosh on the video due to copyright issues.]

Cue the wheelchair jokes on Twitter! So original.

4. Not exactly malice at the palace, but… NBA referee scraps with fan:

5. Dwight tries to plead his case to Stan, who has a classic reaction to it:

Credit: Another @jose3030 masterpiece. Click pic to see the hi quality GIF.

6. Post-game interview, The Truth gives the fans a little wink:

Paul Pierce, you sexy bastard, getting all winky. *wolf whistle*

7. Then tweets a bunch of shit via telepathy and reporters pass it on to Dwight Howard as fact:

Ok, I get that he got bad information and was thrown off-guard by the supposed diss, but still… It’s only two games, huh? You mean the first two? On your home court? Those two? Well, Superman wears Paul Pierce pajamas. Zing!   

I’m sure there were more great moments that I can’t remember right now. If I think of them, I’ll update the post. But, all in all last night has to be one of my favorite NBA nights of this or any season. Well, maybe not as great as transcribing Steph’s crazy rantings for 14-15 hours straight… what could top that?

Source: NBARauf/YouTube

ps.

Oh well, at the very least he should make them watch this YouTube video to remind them of what winning feels like:

Source: celtsfanjay/YouTube

Yes, if you’re counting, this would be the third time I’ve posted this video on my blog. I’m sure it won’t be the last either. If I could burn it into my brain stems to play on a continual loop for the rest of my life, I would. Don’t judge.

Oh and by the way, Leon Powe is starting tonight for the Cavs. Yeah, still hate you, Danny Ainge.

Related articles:

• Fear the Sword: Antawn Jamison out tonight, Leon Powe gets the start
• The Boston Globe: Wallace still upbeat
• Boston Herald: Frustrated Doc Rivers mulls changes

Unfortunately, he’s shaved it already and now he looks like he has tattoos on his head. Which reminds me of… someone.

Speaking of Ron, I really miss watching him defend Kobe (or try to). Their interactions were highly entertaining last season. I guess Matt Barnes is picking up the mantle though.

Now that you mention it… where is Raja Bell these days?

The Orlando Magic have made big strides
* It’s taken quite some time, but the Orlando Magic have finally earned my respect. I’m still not completely sure they would beat the Lakers in a 7 game series, but I’m absolutely convinced if they play the Cavs in the conference finals, they’ll win. This season has a very deja vu type quality to me when it comes to the top teams in the East. The Celtics are again coming off injuries, the Cavs are cleaning up in the regular season and the Magic are quietly sitting in the top 3. Come playoff time, the Cavs are going to be overconfident as they easily cut through the garbage teams on the way to the ECF, but once they get there they won’t know how to handle a team that plays defense and has more composure when the pressure is really on. That’s my prediction, but if the Cavs can get past the ECF this season, maybe they’ll earn my respect too.

NASCAR’s rules are a joke
* I can’t believe NASCAR is only giving Carl Edwards a slap on the wrist for flagrantly wrecking Brad Keselowski on purpose this past Sunday. I’m also calling bullshit on their “Have at it, boys” mantra this season. You want to know what “Have at it, boys” is really all about? They should have called it the “our sport is dying because nobody on the track (especially Dale Jr.) is good enough to beat Jimmie Johnson for a Sprint Cup championship and the fans are picking up all their marbles and going home, so go ahead and wreck each other if it will pacify them” rule. To add insult to injury, Carl drives for Roush Fenway. Boooo!

ps. But, he redeemed himself a little when he said the Celtics are the greatest NBA franchise ever… Better than the Lakers (said that part twice).

A really odd duck.